Thursday, August 28, 2008

Lazy People

I'm probably going to get myself into a lot of trouble here, but I can't help it! I frequent a couple of online support groups for parents of RAD kids. I have found so much support there and the parents have helped me a great deal. That said, I read a post this morning from a mom who has given up and written off her NINE YEAR OLD DAUGHTER and was begging someone to give her information on residential facilities. When this woman was asked about therapy and techniques she has used, she listed all traditional therapies, which if you know anything about RAD, you know that traditional therapy doesn't work. She was unwilling to even consider attachment parenting or techniques and had basically tossed her nine year old daughter to the wolves saying she was too badly damaged!

I was so outraged by this "mother's" statement(and I use the term mother here very loosely) that I had to immediately exit the forum because I was afraid of what I would say. How can anyone say that they love there child and in the next breath say that there is no hope and they are too badly damaged and the only option is residential!


My opinion is this. This woman had a fairy tale picture in her mind of what adoption was going to be like. When the child refused to conform to this picture the child became damaged beyond repair and beyond hope. BULL! This woman didn't want to do the work! She didn't want to put in the blood, sweat and tears needed to help her daughter!

I KNOW IT IS HARD! I live it every day! But it is so worth it! If you are committed to your child's healing, they can get better! And when you see that glimmer of the child they can be? Your heart is even more determined to stay the course.

So there is my rant for today! I get so angry at lazy people. And in my mind, this woman was LAZY!!!


Lisa said...

It really makes me mad when people don't try different interventions too. Have a really great friend that does this too. Drives me crazy. You HAVE to do all of the hard work. I know we don't know what people live with but at least try something. It is blood, sweat & tears. Daily usually. But it's worth it!
Love, me

Torina said...

I felt this way when I read The Unlit Path. I know a lot of people really love that book. I liked for a different reason. I use it as an example for myself because I didn't want my kids to end up in facilities. When the author said that she just couldn't commit to removing all the child's belongings and would rather ship him off to a facility two hours away, I was in shock. Our kids require a lot of work. Traditional stuff just don't cut it.

Christine said...

My dd9 and ds12 are living with me now because their adoptive mom's fairy tale blew up in her face. It's not that anyone was in any physical danger. She has told me, point blank, that she just can't bring herself to do cuddle time and other intimate activities (which HAVE to happen for healing).

Now, I'll be the first to admit that cuddle time, in the beginning is AWKWARD!!!! It is UNCOMFORTABLE!!! It can even be creepy and freaky.

And I do it. Cause I'm their Mom.

So, I see your rant and raise you a, "FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT, CHIC! YES, IT SUCKS!! BUT YOU'RE THE MOM!!"


Geez, my gift of mercy is just oozing today, isn't it?

Unspeakable Joy said...

oh my. yeah and i HAD that fairytale adoption with my first! i was smart enough to realize the next might not be as ideal though. didn't know HOW unideal, but no way would i just give up knowing what i know now. if i didn't know all that, i might! i'm very lazy by nature, but i'm also stubborn and not willing to let myself give up fortunately. i cuddled with an emotionless board today, not fun, but i won't stop doing it til she's a cuddly little girl!