Friday, September 5, 2008

World's Most Rotten Mom

I spoke too soon!

Since Alyssa has a summer birthday, we gave her the choice this year of having a summer party or waiting to have her party until school started so her school friends could come. She opted to wait for school to start.

Well, school started so she has been asking when she can have her party. I called and got information about roller skating because that is what she wants to do. I told her last night that she could have her party next Friday and we needed to go and buy the invitations so that she could get them out. So we are walking into Walmart and she is going on and on about how she hopes that they have "High School Musical" invitations, and she wants to have a "High School Musical" theme party, yada, yada, yada. Any way, we walk into Walmart and stop in the personal hygiene area to pick up new tooth brushes, etc. Well Alyssa starts tossing stuff in the cart! I warned her to stop - TWICE! Then we head over to pick up the invitations. I look, and sure enough, "High School Musical". I pull them down and show them to Alyssa except now she has decided that she maybe wants "Hannah Montana" or Tinker Bell, or get the idea. I put the "High School Musical" in the cart and warned her again to get her attitude under control. This was number THREE.

We then head over to socks and under wear section. She has grown out of both! I told Alyssa that I would pick out some underwear for her to choose from and she should pick out some socks. She walks over to the socks, grabs white socks(with out even looking to see if they would fit, and by the way she has a whole drawer full of white socks, she needed new dress socks) and tosses them in the cart. Then she walks over to me, grabs the underwear out of my hands, says "these are good" and tosses them in the cart. I warned her again(this would be number FOUR) about her attitude and reminded her what we were buying. She got the sass and the head shake attitude and I warned her again. Yes, I am an idiot, this was number FIVE! Well, she sassed again and I snapped! I grabbed her hand and leaving the cart sit in the middle of the aisle, marched her sassy butt right out of Walmart. I marched her into the car, drove her home, and put her to bed!

While this was going on I proceeded to lecture her regarding respect, being grateful, and appreciative. And just to make sure I won the "World's Most Rotten Mom" award, I cancelled her birthday party!

Now I can just hear what most of you are thinking: She went too far, she lost the detachment, she wasn't dealing in a calm manner. You can save it! I know everything you are thinking! I blew it! And now I need your advice. Do I let her have her party? She earned that party over the summer by being responsible. I feel like a shit for taking it away! Her attitude is because of back to school, I know it is. Do I have the party? Do I postpone the party until next month? Do I cancel it all together? Comments, PLEASE!

On one hand, I do believe her apology was sincere. She accepted that she lost her party because of HER behavior. She never once blamed it on me. But on the other hand, her attitude did not get any better. This morning she was still my BRAT baby full of nothing but sass!


Torina said...

We all mess up and go overboard occasionally. You are just being normal :) Here is what I would do if I was in your shoes, and I have been there in many similar situations. I would have Alyssa make a list of exactly what is needed. Then I would figure out about how much it cost for gas to the store the first time when her behavior required that you leave. I would charge her in chores for the gas for a wasted trip. Then I would Apologize for saying she wasn't getting a birthday party, that she would still get one but it would be on your terms, not hers. She will see that you are human and mess up, but can apologize for your mistakes. And that is a good thing. And you will get control back. Because she will need to stay at home next time you get the stuff (if possible). If she has to go with, then I would call it a "Take Two" and make sure that ground rules were set before entering the store.

Lisa said...

Yup...EVERYTHING Torina said!
Could she be trying to sabotage the party????

Do NOT beat yourself up! I have the corner on that market today.

familygregg said...

Cancel the b-day party and throw her a surprise "I Love YOU" Party one week later. She is held accountable for her behavior and she still gets to know how much she is loved.

"Hi"...I'm Dawn, btw :)

Anonymous said...

I think she deserves to have a birthday party, however I'd make it a basic party with a few friends and simple refreshments -- no personal appearance by the cast of Hannah Montana, no elephant rides and no trip to Disney World for her and 20 of her best friends. Just a nice, old-fashioned birthday party because a kid deserves a birthday party no matter how sassy she gets.
I don't have a child with your daughter's issues but from raising my three I know you have to choose your battles and take a stand on the most offensive, not-to-be-tolerated stuff. I let minor sass and back to school moodiness go because if I called them on every single thing that annoyed me I'd no nothing but lecture them all day. I also don' give long explanations and try to reason with them when they're cranky and can't listen. It's just "no" and if they argue we leave the mall or wherever we are when the begging and nagging starts. I give one warning and that's it. My husband counts to three but I think that just gives kids two freebees to act up.
Last of all, if I threaten a consequence I always carry through.

Christine said...

My kids sabotage every single celebratory thing (even the "good job" stuff I give them on their schoolwork).

My dd9 just had her birthday this month. She did everything she could to sabotage - prove that she really isn't worth it.

Two years ago, her first adoptive home took away her birthday - no present - no party. She and my son still talk about that. So much, that they BOTH regressed terribly on this, her first birthday with us. The whole week. It was nuts!

I let her know that I wanted her to tell me her ideas for her birthday, for her cake and what to do for a party. She had a time frame. I had my own plan - told her not to worry - if she couldn't decide, I would plan it all and choose things I know she likes. I did all the shopping. She wanted to have friends over to put make-up on one another (as her party) and then go shopping with me with her birthday money.

On the day of her party, we had a little family thing with cake. On the day of her "friends" party, she was a wreck. An absolute wreck. I knelt down in front of her and said, "Babe, you are going to misbehave all day. The thought of something so special is completely freaking you out, but ya' know what? You deserve to freak out. And you deserve to have a special, special birthday. You are going to misbehave and by golly, you are GOING to celebrate your birthday. I can handle it. Don't you worry about it."

So, what I did was call the three friends (I was smart enough to already plan it VERY low key), and we rescheduled three separate, light-hearted play dates on different days the following week, where they could all put make-up on each other ("See, darling, you now get to do make-up THREE times, and feel a lot more relaxed. YEA for birthdays!!").

Then, her older sister and I took her shopping. I still set my limits (no make-up, no earrings larger than a nickel, etc., which I had to repeat about a thousand times) and I just let her shop away, RAD and all. Then we went out to eat.

As we sat to eat, I told her how much I love her. I told her that I expected the week to go like that, and that it did not surprise me. I told her that I can handle it, and that nothing - NOTHING - she can do would ever take away her birthday.

"What if I ate you?"

"Well, you would have a nice big burp and then Dad would take you shopping."

Unspeakable Joy said...

oh i missed it, but glad to see it's back on. i just had to say i loved your thinking "you can save it, now give me advice". love it! :) seems i say that to dh often. yeah, yeah, blah, blah, i messed up now give me real advice! :)

ali said...

glad you pulled it off in the end. one thing that works for me at stores-what I need first, save YOUR thing for last, itll give you more time.i get much more co operation, even with my non RAD kids. cuz once they get what THEY want in a store, they are DONE. KWIM? she had her stuff, what did she care about panties? LOL
nice to meet you! thanks for stopping by my blog! i think i have 10 readers now lol ali