Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Demented and Weird

I am so grateful for Paulette(our therapist)!

She helped us to take a step back and really see what was going on. We discovered two things.

1) We have been giving Alyssa too much control. She doesn't feel safe. By giving her more freedom, we ended up taking away some of her security. So that one is an easy fix. We are taking away most of the control that we have given her. We are going to scale back and limit her choices to just a few things. Like, she can still choose what she wants to wear to school and how she fixes her hair, but Dad and I will schedule her time. She doesn't get to decide when to do homework, or practice her violin. She must follow OUR schedule. ETC, ETC, ETC.

2) Alyssa is feeling different because she is adopted! This issue is a little harder. She talked in great length about how she feels like an outsider and that she feels ashamed to be adopted. That was hard to hear - really hard! And, it was hard for her to admit! She talked about J and how much she liked being able to "talk" to someone else that is adopted. She also talked about feeling guilty for how she feels because J always seems so glad that she is adopted, and Alyssa feels ashamed. We tried to help Alyssa understand that she should feel special about her adoption. How special Jeff and I feel that Alyssa is our daughter. We talked about her being chosen. She didn't realize that we had turned down other kids before her. She didn't realize that we got to choose. She thought we HAD to take what they gave us. We tried to explain that was the reason she was so special - she was CHOSEN!!!

We will see how the next few days go. This morning was definitely better. She made an effort! That in and of itself is progress.

Finally, the doodle is compliments of Rick at Organized Doodles. I don't know why exactly, but it just seemed to fit us right now. Always loving and "in love", just a little demented and weird!


Lisa said...

Yay for Paulette.

Dinah said...

Yeah having some HOPE again!!

Rick said...

Thanks for posting the doodle and the link. I appreciate the attention.

I'm no expert but it sounds like you're doing the right things. I remember James Dobson talking about this and suggested that parents of an adopted child should celebrate two days. The child's birthday and the day they were adopted.

You've probably heard all this before, but I would think that it was make the idea of being chosen special, especially if one ends up getting "two birthdays" out of it.

Ashley said...

Great to hear things are looking up!

ali said...

i cant remember who said it, but it made me think. the dude said "family disruption/parental loss/adoption is the only tragedy in the world that kids are expected to be grateful for"
its so true. jacksons original parents died and the people who took him in after that (for about 4 years, from about age 2-6)abandoned him, so he suffers from a double loss :(

Adele said...

Hi there, I just found your blog today. I'm sure glad to find other people that are tiring to navigate their way through the many ups and down of FASD. I wish you so much luck and a hug.

I started my blog today too. Not sure where I'll take it, so know I needed to start it. :)