Tuesday, June 3, 2008

The Puzzle

We had therapy last night. We knew that Alyssa had been thinking about her old family, but hearing her say it was rough. It was hard on Alyssa too. Paulette corrected some misconceptions that Alyssa had. For some reason, she thought that her birth parents gave her away because they knew they couldn’t take care of her. Paulette did a timeline for Alyssa. This was the day that you went to foster care, then you went here, then here, etc. etc. Alyssa also thought that she went back to live with her birth mother multiple times. Not true, once she went into foster care, she never went back to live with her birth mother. Birth mom never followed the plan.

I think Alyssa really needed to hear that we were not going to get mad if she had feelings or questions about her past families. She did finally tell us that the “bad” Alyssa came back and told her not to trust us, that we would hurt her like everyone else did. This was pretty much what we had thought. She made so much progress and started to open up her heart and then she got scared and the door slammed shut again. Paulette reminded Alyssa that the “old” Alyssa wasn’t bad, just scared. And it was very important for “new” Alyssa to tell the “old” Alyssa that it was OK to trust Mom & Dad and if she was scared that it would help to talk to Mom & Dad. Alyssa really seemed to be able to grasp this concept and was able to contribute suggestions and ideas on what “new” Alyssa could do to help “old” Alyssa. I was so proud of her for opening up so much; I know it was really hard on her. It was really hard for Jeff & I to see and hear what was bothering Alyssa. It just makes us so angry at the people that hurt this beautiful little girl!

Alyssa was very quiet this morning, and very “touchy”. I think she has a lot of pieces to her life “puzzle” that she needs to figure out where and how they fit together. I am hoping that she will be strong enough to put it together. Jeff and I can help, but Alyssa needs to be the one that actually puts it together. Please pray for my little girl. Her heart is very heavy today.


Lisa said...

Prayers going up even as I type.
Hang in there honey...things are going to get better.

Tudu said...

I found it amazing how inaccurate my children were with their history, too. My 9 yr old had been told by her father she was very ill and he was forced to go to DFCS b/c her mother left with the medicaid card and he couldn't take her to the doctor. WTH? When I pointed out how many times I had taken her and not shown the card or that her sister didn't even have a card for over a year she was extremely upset and confessed she thought they were in care b/c of her, like her father said. I always nip the lies or misconceptions in the bud and I ask lots of questions about their memories when they bring them up to see what they really know.