Update

When I got home from work last night, my little poopsie was very apologetic and had made me a flower from Popsicle sticks. It was a very pleasant way to be greeted. We were able to talk about her attitude and she admitted that she thought that going to bed earlier was a good idea. Yes, that's right, Alyssa admitted that she needed more sleep!

Our 2 yr anniversary is coming up on October 20th. I think some of the behavior we have been seeing is because of this. Alyssa has been doing so good, but still has a big problem with sharing her feelings. I see her getting more quiet, and wanting to spend more time in her room. So, tonight, we are having a girls night! We are going to paint our nails, and maybe watch a movie. I am going to nonchalantly mention our anniversary and see if I get any kind of response. I think if I can get her to open up in a casual way, she will be more apt to talk about what she is feeling. Let's hope anyway!

This morning was still full of sass, but it was not disrespectful. Does that make sense? Alyssa was silly and sassy, but in a fun, playful sort of way. She told me that she is going to work very hard to improve her respectfulness. This was one of the traits that Paulette gave her to work on two sessions ago, and she is having some problems improving on this! So, we haven't gotten new ones yet. Still working on trust and respect. Alyssa says she is determined to improve so that she can get new traits next time.

I almost forgot to tell you! Last Friday, I had to bar tend. Alyssa was invited over to her friends house for dinner and Jeff was going to pick her up at 7:30pm because it would already be getting dark and he didn't want her walking home. Well, as usual, Alyssa was only listening with half an ear. She decided to walk home. OK, no problem, EXCEPT JEFF WASN'T HOME! He took advantage of Alyssa not being home and ran some errands and then stopped in by me for supper. So, when Alyssa gets home and Jeff wasn't there, she said she got scared. BUT, she totally did the right thing! She went to the neighbors and told them Jeff wasn't home. She couldn't remember Jeff's cell number, so she called the house phone and left a message for Jeff that she was at the neighbors. Jeff went to pick Alyssa up, she wasn't there, HE PANICKED! He got home, played the message from Alyssa, and went to the neighbors to pick her up. She was hanging out watching TV. Alyssa's comment was "Daddy yelled at me! Really loud!" Well yeah kid, you scared him half to death! So, all is well, Alyssa made very good choices when she got home and no one was there. She is having mandatory practice of cell phone numbers though. Jeff's panic could have been avoided if Alyssa would have called him. Next time, she will remember the number!


Tonight Alyssa has choir practice. They have their first concert coming up on October 25th. Alyssa seems to really be enjoying the choir. She thinks it is really cool that they are learning a song in Latin. I hope she sticks with it! This choir is a wonderful opportunity for voice training and forming good vocal habits!

Friday, Alyssa brings her violin home from school. I think I may have to buy some ear plugs! Jeff seems to be very excited and has promised me and Alyssa that he will be her practice buddy!

Stay tuned for further updates...........

WHATEVER!

Our days of sunshine are over and I got my sass mouth back!

Oh yeah, and let's not forget the queen of control!

Our morning went something like this:

Me: Alyssa, it is time to get out of the shower.

Alyssa: I just got in here! Do you want me to get out before I even wash anything?

Me: Finish up, you have 5 minutes.

Alyssa: Well, if I'm not done, I'm not getting out! I just washed my hair! I have to wash my body! Do you want me to go to school stinking?

Me: (five minutes later) Alyssa, finish up, the water is going off! I have to get in their too!

Alyssa: OK (the water goes off)

Alyssa, then proceeds to putz and do everything in her power so that I can't get in the bathroom. I finally get really angry, tell her she is being inconsiderate, and tell her to get out of the bathroom - NOW!!!

Ayssa: YOU ARE THE MEANEST MOM! I CAN'T EVER GET READY, I ALWAYS HAVE TO GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM SO THAT YOU CAN GET IN! YOU ARE ALWAYS TELLING ME WHAT TO DO!

Me: Thanks for getting out of the bathroom sweetie!(As I am physically picking her up and putting her in her room).

I finally am able to get in the shower and get ready for work. Alyssa is putzing, gazing at herself in the mirror and arguing about everything!

Me: Let's go Alyssa, we are running late.

Alyssa: I'm walking!

Me: No, you are getting a ride. The neighbors already left!

Alyssa: So! I am old enough to walk to school by myself!

Me: Get in the car Alyssa!

Alyssa: FINE! As she is slamming the door and stomping her feet!!!

Me: Starting tonight, some things are changing. You will once again be going to bed at 8:00. You obviously aren't getting enough sleep when you go to bed at 8:30. From now on, you need to be in the shower by 6:30am. If you are not, no shower! I will once again be doing your hair in the morning as you have shown Mom that you can't handle the responsibility!

I will leave you with Alyssa's response that continued ALL the way to school!

Alyssa: YOU TREAT ME LIKE A BABY! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD REALLY MAKE ME GO TO SCHOOL WITH NO SHOWER! MAYBE I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE DOING MY HAIR TODAY, DID YOU EVER THINK OF THAT? EVERYTHING ALWAYS HAS TO BE YOUR WAY! DO THIS, DO THAT! THAT'S ALL I EVER HEAR! YOU JUST WANT A PERFECT DAUGHTER! I AM NOT ALLOWED TO EVER MAKE A MISTAKE! NOW, JUST GO TO BED EARLY! THAT WAY YOU DON'T HAVE TO SPEND ANY TIME WITH ME!

Me:(as I pull up in front of school) Have a good day honey. I Love You!

Alyysa: Yeah, WHATEVER!

OMG - the sass! Is this control issues or is this normal 4th grade girl behavior? Let me tell you, IT IS NOT NICE!!!

Prayer Request

Please pray for my friend Lisa and her daughter "J". They are going through a really rough patch and could use your prayers!

Thanks!

Random Thoughts

Following: This new feature on blogger is awesome! Leigh helped me figure it out and when Torina mentioned it in her blog it made me realize that I am already taking it for granted. So, if you are reading my blog, please say hi and follow me! I would love to know who is reading my blog.

Readers: I have readers from all over. WAY COOL! I am begging - please say hi! Also, if you have any questions regarding RAD or need advice, or are just curious about anything, please ask. I will be happy to answer your questions!

Blogging: I am finding it very hard to find things to blog about! Alyssa is in such a good place right now that I almost feel bad blogging about it. So many of my cyber friends are struggling and having a tough time that I feel guilty bragging - yes bragging, about how well Alyssa is doing. I also don't want to jinx it! On one hand, I want everyone to know that healing is possible! I also want everyone to know that I was once where you are now. I have felt the fear and the hopelessness that Alyssa's heart would never heal. I know what you are going through. When I was in that dark place and scared half to death, I had my cyber friends, Lisa in particular, giving me advice, praying for me, and just being supportive. That's how I survived my low spots!

I don't want my real life friends to feel bad. They love me unconditionally and have supported me with love and laughter, and occasionally, respite! Thanks Tammy! But, they have never raised a child with RAD. They don't know what it is really like. Don't get me wrong, they ask questions, understand the importance of following the rules we have in place, and support us in every way possible. BUT, while they understand the importance of doing what we do, they really don't understand it. Not like all of you! Blogging gives me the opportunity to express my joys, my fears, and my hopes while not being judged, and really understood by the people that read me. I have tried to explain this to Tammy, I think she would really benefit from blogging. I think it would help her to connect to other Mothers that are living with grief. It would help her to connect to other people that really get it. I have lost both my parents, I understand grief and loss, but I have never lost a daughter(and God willing I never will!) so I do not understand the grief a Mother feels. Blogging gives you that connection. It can help your heart to heal!

Finally, I am going to leave you with some random fall pictures. They are from 2 years ago, our first Halloween with Alyssa. October 20th, it will be 2 years that we have been a family. My how she has grown!

A Normal Kid

We had a wonderful weekend!

The highlights:

Getting ready to go to the zoo Saturday morning, Jeff somehow??? gashed his head open getting out of the shower. Blood everywhere - you know how head wounds bleed. Got him cleaned off and bandaged up. Nasty headache!

AWESOME day at the zoo! The weather was beautiful, Alyssa was perfectly behaved. Asked to push Cindy's wheelchair and was accepting of my decision to not let her anymore after Cindy almost went sailing down a hill! When Cindy is in a wheelchair there is never a dull moment!

Saturday night I had lots of help getting food prepared for Alyssa's baptism. It sure is nice that Leigh is able to drive now. She ended up being the gopher, running to the store for forgotten items. We got to bed by eleven and I slept right through the alarm the next morning!

Sunday morning we had 5 people that needed to shower and get ready for church - all in one bathroom! Surprisingly, we all were ready to go on time! Alyssa decided that she wanted to leave her hair curly instead of straightening it. And she wanted it "up". This was great for me, as it took a whole 10 minutes to do her hair. If I would have had to straighten it, it would have taken at least an hour!

We got to church early, as planned, so that we would be there to greet our guests. I have never been more proud of Alyssa! She was respectful, talked to everyone, and made all our guests feel welcome in our church! Pastor Joe has even since asked if our family would be greeters at church on a regular basis! Pastor Joe got carried away with the water during the baptism and poor Alyssa got absolutely soaked! She had water running down her nose, her neck, her entire face was covered in water, and water was running down the side of the baptismal fount. Alyssa just stood there and let Pastor Joe scrub her face with a handkerchief. She never complained or fussed, just stood there and let him dry her off! At the end of the service, Pastor had Alyssa walk out of church with him so that the congregation could all congratulate her. He made her feel so special!

When we arrived home, Alyssa was the perfect hostess. She asked our guests if they would like something to drink. She cleared plates away, she passed out cake. She made a point of talking to and spending time with each one of our guests. She opened her gifts and read each card out loud. She thanked each person for the gift and made them feel very special!

I was so proud!

Last night we saw Paulette. She let Alyssa give the update on how she was doing, and then looked to us for confirmation. Alyssa was dead on in her report. She said that even though she was doing OK, there was still room for improvement! She needed to work harder on being respectful because we deserved her respect! Paulette was impressed!

I know that the path of RAD is a bumpy one, and filled with lots of hills. But I am going to enjoy this growth by my daughter and hope that the bumps are small and the hills not too steep! The most important thing that I am going to remember is that Alyssa really wants to get better. She wants to be a family girl and she wants to have friends. Most of all, she just wants to be a normal kid!

Team Evans

I am happy to announce that we have had an uneventful week so far!

I KNOW!

We have a busy weekend coming up! Saturday, we are going to MS Family Day at the Zoo. Cindy invited us and we are really excited. I haven't been to the zoo in like 8 years! We are really excited!

Then on Sunday, Miss Alyssa is going to be baptized. I still have to finish altering her dress. I am lucky I found one. An appropriate baptismal gown for a 9 year old child is no easy find! I ended up finding a first communion dress on clearance! It fit pretty good except the arms were way too tight! So I have been ripping out seams and very discretely adding material. I just have to finish off the seams and I am done! Alyssa seems very excited about the baptism and understands what it means.

I have to publicly say that I am very proud of my daughter's behavior this week. There have been a few minor moments, but for the most part, she has pitched in and helped without being asked, done more than what we have asked her to do, and really just having a great attitude! She has just wanted to be a part of "Team Evans". No motives, no agendas, nothing fake. Just a smile and willingness (and genuine desire) to be part of the team!

Why we love children ...

1) NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year -old shout fr om the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

2) OPINIONS On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'

3) KETCHUP A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting
the bottle.'

4) MORE NUDITY A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'Wh at's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy
before?'

5) POLICE # 1 While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I
answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?

6) POLICE # 2 It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked. 'It sure is,' I replied puzzled. The boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'
7)
ELDERLY While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned
and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

8) DEATH While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)

9) SCHOOL A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'

10) BIBLE A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. 'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out. 'What have you got there, dear?'

With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'

NOW IF THIS DIDN'T BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY, GO BACK TO BED AND FORGET IT.

My friend Jackie just emailed this to me. I had to share!