Comments

I just wanted everyone out in blogging world to know that I do read my comments. All of them. I don't always have the opportunity to comment back, but it is helpful to read the suggestions that are so thoughtfully given, and also really nice to receive the support that is so unselfishly given.

A huge THANK YOU to Lisa! She is such an awesome Mom and a great friend! If you have never checked out her blog, please go say hi and be inspired by her intense dedication to Miss J. Send some good thoughts and prayers her way also, they are going through some scary stuff and could really use the love!

Yesterdays rant about my family was just simply that, a rant. I do not want anyone to think that our family is not strong. It is. Very strong. I love my husband and my daughter and would not trade either one of them! I can complain because they are my family. I have earned the right to complain! Just as they have earned the right to complain about me! Jeff and I are married "Till death do us part" and are committed to making our marriage work. That doesn't mean that I don't get irritated with him, we are living in the real world after all! I also love my daughter very much, and yes, some days she pushes me to the brink of insanity! (I'm teetering there anyway!) But do I ever regret our decision to adopt Alyssa? No Way! Not ever, not for one teeny, tiny second. That beautiful child, who has pushed every button I have and even some that I didn't know existed, has brought so much love, and so much joy to our home! She has made our lives complete and really made our house a home!

So, changes are being made in my home. Jeff and Alyssa have both agreed to distribute the chores evenly. They have both agreed to help with laundry even! So tonight, I will hold a class, Laundry 101, and make sure they both know what they are doing! I really think that they will both make an effort to help me more, because I really think blowing my gasket at Paulette's kinda surprised them! We will see.......

Anonymous Comments

Anonymous said...

Your husband sounds like a whiny, immature slob. Dump him immediately. You can do better.

I no longer allow anonymous comments.

To the idiot that left this comment:
You are obviously not married or divorced. Yes, I complain about some of the things that my husband does or doesn't do. I am certain that I do things that drive him over the edge too!

Marriage is hard work! It takes commitment and compromise. My husband is my soul mate! He is my partner in life and the father of my child! How you presume to think he is a whiny, immature slob is beyond me.

So, going forward - no more anonymous comments! If you have something to say, say it! But don't say it behind my back, hiding behind anonymity! Have enough balls to say it to my face!

The Bitch

We saw Paulette last night.

My issues hijacked the session.

I opened my mouth and out poured all my frustration, stress, and yes, I'll say it, anger. Add a ton of hurt feelings in there and you can imagine my mood!

I admit it. I have been feeling used and abused! I am so sick and tired of doing EVERYTHING in my house and I said so last night. I am sick to death of Jeff and Alyssa waltzing through life just dumping crap everywhere and assuming Mom will pick it up. I get no help and I am on the verge of giving up. Jeff does nothing around the house. Alyssa sees his terrible habits and falls in step right next to him! Can I get on her for leaving her stuff lay around when her Dad is setting such a crappy example?

I have allowed things to get too out of hand. Last night I drew the line. I demanded help! I am also demanding respect! I am sick and tired of being the mean Mom or the bitchy wife because I am telling them what to do! No more! Each one of us now have things we are responsible for each day. THEY WILL GET DONE! I am not doing everything, by myself, anymore.

I have made excuses and let things slide because it was just easier to do things myself. I take complete responsibility for that. But no more! We are at a point in our family when it is not just about survival anymore. Alyssa has made so much progress and our main goal is no longer just making it through the day. We are a family, and we are going to start acting like it!

I have some items to purchase to make the new program work smoother. Tonight, I will get everything in order and Wednesday we will have a family meeting and set the wheels in motion. I am getting my life back! I too deserve to have time to do the things that I enjoy doing! I deserve to have time to read a book, or scrapbook, or do a craft. I have not been able to do anything for myself in a really long time! And my husband has the nerve to say "Why do you always have to be a bitch?"

"Uh, sorry honey. You have no idea what a bitch is. BUT YOU WILL"!!!

The verdict is in...

Well, it's Monday.

The weekend overall was great! Alyssa had a lot of problems on Saturday morning though. She had a bad case of the sillies and when I told her to knuckle down and get serious so that we could go, she blew a gasket. She got really whiny, very disrespectful, and just plain bratty. It took us a long while to get her calm enough to do her sit. She was able to tell us that she was excited about going to the Pumpkin Patch Festival. I don't think that is the whole reason. While improved overall, her behavior was a bit shaky at times. Her biggest problem over the weekend, and my biggest "button" is control. She is 9 years old and thinks she can rule the roost!

We see Paulette tonight! I'm glad. She is really able to get Alyssa to bring things to the surface. One week from today is our 2nd Anniversary. It has to be weighing on Alyssa's mind, but when I tried to talk to her about it, everything is fine! Paulette will be able to bring it out in the open. And then, like always, Alyssa will see that Mom & Dad are strong enough to handle ALL her feelings, and it won't be such an issue anymore.

The verdict is in! This year's Halloween Costume... DA Ta DA.........
HANNAH MONTANA!

Keep this picture in mind, I will post an actual picture of Alyssa in her costume after Halloween!

Thank God it's Friday

Did you ever have one of those mornings when you wished you could get back in bed and start over?

I am having one of those days!

Alyssa was not at her finest this morning. She was tired! I knew it, she knew it. I was not at my finest this morning either.

I don't want to relive the play by play. I owe my daughter an apology! Regardless of her behavior this morning, mine was less than exemplary! I will leave you with our final comments as I dropped her off at school.

Alyssa: Well you made me late!

Me: I made you late? You were the one wasting time and putzing around! I did not make you late!

Alyssa: Well thanks for making me feel even better by yelling at me!

Me: You are most welcome! Love You!

Alyssa: Whatever!

You have to understand that while it doesn't look too bad on paper, the tone of voice that this was spoken in, NOT VERY NICE!!!

I hope she can get her mood turned around. I certainly was no help! Otherwise, she will probably flunk her spelling test, and I will have to accept partial blame for that. She knows the words, but her mood will get in the way!

I SUCK!

THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY.....

WEEKEND - HERE I COME!

Clear as Mud?

I think I need to clarify my last post a little bit.

I want my daughter to be proud of who she is. I want her to be proud of her heritage.

Alyssa's school is very culturally diverse. My daughter has friends that are Asian, Mexican, Hmong, White, and Black. There culture is a part of who they are. But they have names. They are not the white girl, or the Asian girl or the Mexican girl. They are Allison, Natalie and (insert name here).

I want my daughter to be proud of the person she is. I want her to be proud that she is adopted, that she has a beautiful voice, that she is black.

I JUST DON'T WANT IT TO DEFINE HER!

Hope that makes a little more sense!

Just because we can!

I have been thinking about this for a while now and have not known how to begin. So I guess I'll just begin. I hope it doesn't turn in to a rant. As you all know, Alyssa is bi-racial. Her bio dad was black and her bio mom is white. We adopted Alyssa knowing this - don't care, she is our daughter. What I don't understand is this. Why do we have to emphasize the fact that she is black. I have had some people lately telling me/asking me that I should teach her about her African heritage. I have had heritage camps suggested to me as well as celebrating Kwanzaa. I have really done a lot of soul searching and keep coming back to WHY??? Alyssa was born in this country! Right here in Wisconsin actually! Whey do we want to stress the fact that she is black? She knows that she is black. BUT and this is the most important point to me, she is part of our family! Do we want to stress the differences? Do we want to force her to celebrate holidays that she has never heard of or listen to African music, etc. just because she is black? Again, I say WHY??? We have talked to Alyssa about this. In her eyes, she is American just like everyone else. Yes her skin is darker than ours, but does that make her different? When we asked her what she thought of going to a heritage camp, she said, "Why, can't we go to a camp that has kids that are adopted?"

In her eyes, the color of her skin doesn't make her different. In her eyes, being adopted makes her different. Does that make sense? I don't want to become one of those fanatical adopted Moms that force her children to participate in "Heritage Awareness Days". It would be completely different if Alyssa would have been adopted from another country. Then I understand it. But just because she is black - NOT, it's just a color!

OK, I'm glad I got that off my chest.

We are going up north this weekend! Jeff and I talked last night and realized that we have gotten so caught up in the day to day stress of dealing with RAD and all that entails, that we have almost forgotten to stop and have fun as a family! So many activities get tied to behavior. IF you have good behavior, IF you get your chores done, IF, IF, IF! So, come Hell or high water, we are going to go up north this weekend and enjoy the fall color. We are going to the Pumpkin Patch Festival, the corn maze, and whatever else we feel like! We told Alyssa that she can invite a friend along, no strings attached! We are going to have fun this weekend, not because Alyssa has been doing good, not because we have accomplished goals, we are going to have fun this weekend just because we are a family and we can!