Raising Alyssa

In Loving Memory

2009-07-02T08:00:00.003-05:00

We had her there, resting on the palm of our hand for a while.
She was all we ever wanted.
Sometimes her wings were closed.
Motionless.

At other times, she spread her wings open in the bright sunshine,
Displaying her colorful patterns.
We truly loved her.
She knew that.

We told her she was special and beautiful, we saw the beauty.
We appreciated her true colors.
But we couldn't keep her.
We knew that.

She was born to fly.

She had been beautiful in our hand, but in flight she soared.
In the garden amongst the colorful, sweet-fragranced flowers.
Her habitat.
Free.

In letting her go, we made her happy.
But she was always to remember our warmth and our love.
Always and forever.
For all of eternity.

Happy Birthday Siarra

2009-06-11T09:05:00.002-05:00

Today would have been Siarra's 21st birthday.

I miss her!

Happy Birthday sweetheart!

Update

2009-05-29T08:33:00.002-05:00

Hi friends. Yes, I am still alive! Things are very busy here and I can't believe that May is almost over!

Alyssa is doing extremely well but getting very antsy for school to be over. Last night she asked me if she could skip school today. She wouldn't watch TV, just lay in bed and rest.

I told her no. Imagine that. Then I had to explain why I told her no. Do you know how hard it is to explain a good work ethic to a 9 year old? I think she finally got it!

I am asking for prayers for my friend that is going through some health issues. Please send some prayers up that her news will be good.

I will try to keep up on my reading, but I have spring fever and have not been spending much time indoors.

My thoughts are with you all.

Adoption Day

2009-05-11T08:12:00.003-05:00

Today is the 2nd anniversary of our adoption being finalized!

Yesterday was Mother's Day.

I know, it's alot lumped together, but we have tried to acknowledge the days and still keep them low key. Our biggest celebration is held in October, when we celebrate our "Gotcha" day. Today we will not do anything really special, other than have DQ ICECREAM CAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was a unanimous vote! We are all ice cream junkies!

Oh, and my mood is improving - my bathroom is almost finished!!!!!!!!!

Woo Hoo!!!

Katharine Leslie

2009-05-07T08:00:00.000-05:00

Katharine Leslie is going to be doing a webinar. May 18th. 10 AM to 11:30 AM CST. $30.00 Grab all your fellow Radical mom's, invite them over for tea and split the cost. Continuing education credits will be issued if you need/want them. Dr. Leslie presents at Attach every year and gets rave reviews. Also a parent to radicals which gives her big stars in my book. ;-) She doesn't just "get it", she lives it.

Parenting from the Trenches
Do you have a child who lies, steals, sneaks, stalks, hordes, chatters non-stop, or urinates in places other than the potty, etc? In this webinar Dr. Leslie will teach you essential, sensible, safe and effective solutions to your child's behavior problems that can also increase positive behaviors in your child, create an attachment friendly environment, simplify daily life, reduce family conflict, and even get some of your parental needs met. Dr. Leslie will weave lecture material around questions from the audience.

AGENDA
This is a 90 minute Webinar

Quick overview of attachment and brain facts

What children are supposed to give to the parent-child relationship

What do you really want from your child?

Preventing negative behaviors

Rehearsing positive behaviors

Punishment vs consequences: What's good for you?

Click here to sign up: https://www.meds-pdn.com/continuing_education.php?seminar_id=2442">Parenting in the Trenches

I'm in Hell

2009-05-01T08:33:00.002-05:00

My bathroom is still not finished!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My house is a mess and I am losing my mind!

Alyssa is feeling the stress and her behavior is - well - let's just say - trying.

Swine flu has arrived in my town.

The economy has struck close to home - again.

Please remember our nuthouse in your prayers!!!

Already?

2009-04-17T09:17:00.001-05:00

Alyssa came home from school yesterday and informed me that a boy in her class asked her to go to the dance with him!

She is 9 and in the 4th grade!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jeff cracked me up. He got real pale and said "Already?"

HE HE HE!!!

My Response

2009-04-15T09:30:00.001-05:00

To all my devoted readers...

NA NA NA BOO BOO - YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM!!!

Just a response to my comments. Uncle Bruce is mine, and I am not giving him away nor am I borrowing him out! He's mine! All mine!!!

I truly am soooooooooooo sorry that you don't have your own personal "Uncle Bruce", but I am NOT sharing!

Bye, Bye old Tub!

2009-04-14T09:41:00.002-05:00

We are busy, busy, busy! And to top it off, living in the midst of chaos. I know, what's new right? Well, this chaos is self inflicted!

We have a lovely cape cod home. We bought the house 10 years ago and have been slowly remodeling. I have wanted to remodel the bathroom for a long time. The problem is that we only have one bathroom! Well, we decided to take advantage of the long Easter weekend and start the remodel. The wonderful, amazing Uncle Bruce came over bright and early Friday morning and began swinging the sledge hammer at the old, HEAVY, cast iron tub. Thursday night, we tore off old molding, pulled down the old shower surround, and emptied everything out of the bathroom. So, back to Friday. Bruce had the old tub out in one hour!!! We then tore all the old dry wall out from around the tub. By the time Jeff got home from work at noon, Bruce was already working on the plumbing. By the end of the day on Friday, the new tub was installed and the plumbing was all in place! Saturday, the new dry wall went in and the shower surround was being installed. Sunday, the rest of the surround was installed and the caulking got done. Monday, Bruce had to stop over after work to replace the drain pipe that was leaking! Even after breaks for church, dinner, and the Easter Bunny, we have a working shower again! Yea!!!

We now need to replace the remainder of the dry wall in the bathroom and reinstall the vanity, prime, paint, and we are done! We are hoping to have it all complete by this weekend. I am repainting the bathroom cabinet and some of the accessories, so I have a lot of work to do!

So that is a summary of our chaos. Now, for some AWESOME news. Alyssa has been awarded "Student of the Month". The defining character trait this month was perseverance. We know how hard Alyssa works but having others recognize the fact that she doesn't give up is just priceless!!!

Also, more great news! Those of you that have been around awhile know that Alyssa has been lucky to have the most awesome, wonderful teacher, Mrs. M, for the past three years. Well, there has been a lot of realignment in the district for next year and YES, you guessed it, Mrs. M has been moved to 5th grade next year and Alyssa will be in her class!!! Someone is definitely looking out for us!!! Alyssa has been so successful in school and I have every confidence that the success will continue!

Update on the job search........... No change!!! There are so many BIG companies in our town closing that the unemployment rate in this city is almost 13%. We had a big manufacturing influence and the economy has hit hard! I applied for a job yesterday that had just been posted online 4 hours earlier. I received an email thanking me for my application, but there had been so many responses that applications were no longer being accepted! 4 hours people!!!

So, I'm off to work on the bathroom. We don't have a sink in there yet, but we can shower and use the toilet, I can deal!

I will try to check in when I can. In the meantime, you are all in my thoughts!

Progress

2009-04-06T08:37:00.002-05:00

I am a proud Mom!

These last couple of weeks have been different. I posted that we have seen a resurgence of control issues. While that is true, we have also seen a change in Alyssa's overall behavior. We are starting to be "in tune" with each other. I remember having that kind of connection with my Mom, and I am now starting to have it with Alyssa! I can't describe how good that feels! We have been getting along better and Alyssa has been much more respectful!

Our home is calmer, more loving, and we are all working together! It is a wonderful feeling to see the security in my daughter's eyes! Change is possible, healing is possible. I know we will continue to have ups and downs, but I see a bright future ahead of us. My biggest wish for Alyssa has always been that she just be a normal kid. A child that knows she is loved no matter what, a child that is happy and feels secure. Alyssa is becoming that kid and it is the greatest feeling in the world!

Back to School

2009-03-30T08:59:00.002-05:00

Spring break is over and we survived!

Actually, we did more than survive, we had fun!

Alyssa had a few rough moments, but overall, handled herself great! Our plans even got changed at the last minute and she handled the change in an appropriate manner and with the proper emotion.

Our biggest problem seems to be a resurgence of control issues. It is beginning to affect her friendships also. I have not been able to find a reason for her bossiness. It is as bad, if not worse than it was at the very beginning. I am definitely open to ideas.

So, I probably won't be posting much, I need to get caught up on my reading. My peeps have had a busy week!!!

A Welcome Break

2009-03-20T10:04:00.001-05:00

Early release from school today and then a whole week off.

Last year I was dreading Spring Break but this year I am really looking forward to it!

What a difference a year makes, huh?

Alyssa is determined to do a lot of chores this weekend so that she has a lot of spending money for shopping next week. We are not doing anything really earth shattering, just some "girl" stuff. Shopping, lunch, shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, a special spa day with Auntie.

I can't wait!

I probably won't have a chance to blog, but we will see. If I don't check in, please know that I will keep you all in my thoughts!

Spring Fever

2009-03-18T08:33:00.001-05:00

It was 73 degrees here yesterday!

I spent the whole entire day outside and it was wonderful! Today is a return to reality with an expected high of 50. It's OK, I can handle 50, it sure beats the heck out of 10!

Alyssa has been doing really good. Her attitude has been awesome and she is really trying hard. She has been working hard to be respectful and it is paying off! Yay for me!

Next week is spring break. I have to say that Alyssa really needs it. Her enthusiasm for school is slipping and she really needs the break. We all have spring fever so the break is really needed!

Lemonade Award

2009-03-17T08:27:00.012-05:00

I was awarded the Lemonade award from Brie! Visit her and say Hi! http://attaching.blogspot.com/

Here are the rules...

1. Copy the above logo and put it on blog or post.

2. Nominate at least 10 blogs that show attitude and/or gratitude (Those who add sweetness to life and/or inspire you by making lemonade.)

3. Be sure to link to your nominees within your post.

4. Let them know they have received this award by commenting on a post.

5. Nominate your favorites and link to this blog.

I would like to pass this award to the following:

Torina at http://busyintersection.blogspot.com

Accidental Mommy at http://takenlife.blogspot.com

Dia por Dia at http://ranchochico.blogspot.com

Kelly at http://nomoremoves.blogspot.com/

Tracey at http://myoncecalmlife.blogspot.com/

Ali at http://crawfordlifetimes.blogspot.com/

Each and every one of these blogs have inspired me and made me laugh!

Visit them and say Hi!

Too Funny to Not Share

2009-03-16T11:05:00.000-05:00

I received this email and laughed so hard that tears were flowing! It hit very close to home and it was too funny to not share................ENJOY!!!

I went grocery shopping recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'You're definitely going to $h!t yourself' chili". Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your ***** cheeks WILL fall off.

Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No 'Watson's Movement 2'. Despite habanera peppers swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I appeared to be unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my next door neighbors as thunder and lightning.

Knowing that a time of reckoning had to come, yet not sure of just when, I bravely set off for the market; a local Wal-Mart grocery store that I often haunt in search of tasty tidbits.

Upon entering the store at first all seemed normal. I selected a cart and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase. It wasn't until I was at the opposite end of the store from the restrooms that the pain hit me. Oh, don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talking about. I'm referring to that 'Uh oh, gotta go' pain that always seems to hit us at the wrong time. The thing is, this pain was different.

The habaneras in the chili from the night before were staging a revolt. In a mad rush for freedom they bullied their way through the small intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines, and before I could take one step in the direction of the restrooms which would bring sweet relief, it happened. The peppers fired a warning shot. There I stood, alone in the spice and baking aisle, suddenly enveloped in a noxious cloud the likes of which has never before been recorded. I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odor might escape me. Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of my body, and I began to move up the aisle and out of it, just as an elderly woman turned into it.

I don't know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what her reaction would be to the malodorous effluvium that refused to dissipate, as she walked into it unsuspecting. Have you ever been torn in two different directions emotionally? Here's what I mean, and I'm sure some of you at least will be able to relate.

I could've warned that poor woman but didn't. I simply watched as she walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of odor so terrible that all she could do before gathering her senses and running, was to stand there blinking and waving her arms about her head as though trying to ward off angry bees. This, of course, made me feel terrible, but then made me laugh. Mistake.

Here's the thing. When you laugh, it's hard to keep things 'clamped down', if you know what I mean. With each new guffaw an explosive issue burst forth from my nether region. Some were so loud and echoing that I was later told a few folks in other aisles had ducked, fearing that someone was robbing the store and firing off a shotgun.

Suddenly things were no longer funny. IT was coming, and I raced off through the store towards the restrooms, laying down a cloud the whole way, praying that I'd make it before the grand mal assplosion took place.

Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time I got to the john, began the inevitable 'Oh my God', floating above the toilet seat because my *** is burning SO BAD, purging. One poor fellow walked in while I was in the middle of what is the true meaning of 'Shock and Awe'. He made a gagging sound, and disgustedly said, 'Sonofabitch!', then quickly left.

Once finished I left the restroom, reacquired my partially filled cart intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee approached me and said, 'Sir, you might want to step outside for a few minutes. It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store. The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two which ought to take care of the problem.'

That of course set me off again, causing residual gases to escape me. The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover his nose and, pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted, 'IT'S YOU!', then ran off returning moments later with the manager. I was unceremoniously escorted from the premises and asked none too kindly not to return.

Am I Old? Really???

2009-03-13T09:12:00.003-05:00

I picked Alyssa up from school yesterday and we went to Wally World to pick up a few things. We are going through the check out and the lady at the register (who was in her 60's) called me Alyssa's GRANDMA!!!

Ok, I will admit that I am no spring chicken anymore, but people, I am 43 years old. Am I really old enough to have a 9 yr old GRAND DAUGHTER???????????????????????????????

I think NOT!!! By the way, I don't look 43! Those of you that know me IRL(in real life), will attest to the fact that most people think I am in my early 30's. I don't act like an old bag (shut up Tammy), I don't dress like an old bag, WHY WOULD YOU THINK I AM AN OLD BAG?????????

I tell you, I wanted to jump over the counter and bitch slap that woman!

Alyssa didn't hear the woman call me her Grandma. When I told her why my face was all red, she started giggling and said, "Well, maybe you should have had makeup on".

Jeff, of course was quick to point out that I am old enough to be a Grandma! That may be so, I do not deny it. I am old enough to be a Grandma. BUT I AM NOT OLD ENOUGH TO BE GRANDMA TO A NINE YEAR OLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously people, if any of you have any connections to the folks at TLC's "10 Years Younger", you need to hook me up. I apparently really need the help!!!

I received an Award!

2009-03-11T09:11:00.004-05:00

Lisa gave me an award! I definitely do not feel worthy, but will accept it with my heartfelt thanks!

The Dardos Award is given in "recognition of cultural, ethical, literary, and personal values transmitted in the form of creative and original writing. These stamps were created with the intention of promoting fraternization between bloggers, a way of showing affection and gratitude for work that adds value to the Web."

The rules:
1) Accept the award by posting it on your blog along with the name of the person that has granted the award and a link to his/her blog.
2) Pass the award to another five blogs that are worthy of this acknowledgment, remembering to contact each of them to let them know they have been selected for this award.

I am going to break the rules. I know, big shocker!

I am in awe of all the bloggers that I follow. Therefore, I am passing this award to all of my followers, and to all of the blogs that I follow! Each one of you have given me courage, strength, or just comic relief, and I think you all deserve it.

Thanks for all your well wishes. I applied for two different jobs today so keep your fingers crossed for me!

We have therapy with Paulette tonight. Yea! Alyssa is suddenly having control issues again. I will be glad to get her back on the right track again.

Busy Week

2009-03-09T09:24:00.003-05:00

I can't believe a whole week has flown by. We haven't had any earth shattering events, just a lot of stuff going on. Alyssa has a lot of school stuff going on and has had a lot of demands on her time. I am very proud to say that she has been handling them very well!

She has had to get homework done and violin practice in and has jumped in and gotten it done with a great attitude. She hasn't blogged, but it is because she has been busy. I continue to hope that she will continue to blog as a release. I firmly believe that blogging is an awesome tool for her continued healing.

Alyssa has had a few moments of bad attitude, but she has used the tools that we gave her and has been able to switch things up and turn her attitude around. I am so proud of her determination!

I am going to school today to have lunch with Alyssa. I have never done this before, so I am looking forward to it!

Job hunting has hit a new low! Twice a week, I check the new job listings for anything that I am remotely qualified for. THERE HAS BEEN ZERO NEW LISTINGS FOR ALMOST TWO WEEKS!!! I must admit that I am starting to get a little worried. I know we will be OK with home bills and responsibilities. What worries me is that keeping and maintaining our summer vacation spot will become impossible. And let me tell you, WE LIVE UP NORTH IN THE SUMMER! We all love to be able to get away for the weekend and I don't want to lose that. So, if you all could just put a good word in with the man upstairs, I am confident that something will come my way.
The pictures are some shots of our labor day celebration up north. If you look close, you can see the lake and one picture has our boat in the background.

Weekend Get a way

2009-03-02T09:46:00.002-06:00

We got the heck out of dodge for the weekend!

We planned a spur of the moment, inexpensive, weekend get a way. We went to see the Titanic exhibit at the Milwaukee Museum, and then spent the night at the Hilton, where they have an indoor water park. We got a fantastic package deal and we had a blast!

We decided to let Alyssa bring a friend along. We made the right decision. Both girls enjoyed the weekend, and Jeff and I were able to relax too. If Alyssa didn't have a friend along, we would not been able to just sit back and relax. We enjoyed watching the girls have fun!

Alyssa did awesome all weekend! Yea!!! When we got home yesterday, the neighbor kids were outside playing. Alyssa bundled up and out she went. She was outside for about 45 minutes when I heard the screaming and Alyssa came running in the house. She got hit in the face with an ice chunk! It was an accident, but wouldn't you think that the neighbor would at least walk over and see if Alyssa was ok? I would have gone to check! Any way, Alyssa has a cut on her eyelid, and on her nose. I was worried about her having a shiner, but this morning everything had faded.

She woke up this morning a little out of sorts. I had prepared myself for a rough morning because of the fun weekend, but I am happy to report that Alyssa pulled herself together, turned things around, and got off to school on time! She even has a cold and doesn't feel real great, and yet a pretty good morning!

Woo Hoo!!!

Another Good Day

2009-02-26T09:17:00.002-06:00

Another good day! Alyssa was able to stay on task, and get back on track when she needed to.

Actually, she only had one rough patch. She was supposed to help Daddy with two chores. Necessary chores required for her to be able to attend a birthday party on Friday. She did the first chore with no complaints. When it came time to do the second, she decided that she was going to be in charge instead of Jeff. Jeff immediately put a stop to her control and said that she had a choice: either do it his way or don't do it at all. He then turned around and walked away. She complained and ranted that he wasn't being fair and yada yada yada. He then asked her what her choice was going to be. She chose to do the chore his way, and be his assistant instead of the leader!!!

Yea for Jeff!

Alyssa wanted to blog last night but between homework, required chores, and Ash Wednesday service at church, she didn't have time. I was just happy that she wanted to blog!!!

Our last therapy session with Paulette has definitely made changes here. Jeff has become more involved in day to day stuff, and Alyssa is once again working hard to be a family kid! As a result, I feel much more relaxed and calm. Win, win for all involved!

I am going to enjoy this new phase in our life. I am going to pray that it continues.....

A Plea for Help!

2009-02-25T09:22:00.003-06:00

Yesterday was a good day!

We had no arguments. We had no sass. WE HAD NO DISRESPECT!!!

I made her write on her blog and she grumbled about it but did it anyway. She also thanked me for making her do it 'cause she said she felt better inside.

Yea Me!!!

All right, now I am calling all blogger experts............................

I have hyperlinked alot of stuff to my blog posts. I have selected a unique color for hyperlinks. However, my hyperlinks are not showing up unless you scroll over the hyperlinked item.

I am at my wits end! Do I have some setting not set correctly? I have tried everything that I know, and my hyperlinks are still not showing up. They work if you scroll over them and find them, people just don't know that they are there!!!

Demented and Weird

2009-02-24T09:20:00.004-06:00

I am so grateful for Paulette(our therapist)!

She helped us to take a step back and really see what was going on. We discovered two things.

1) We have been giving Alyssa too much control. She doesn't feel safe. By giving her more freedom, we ended up taking away some of her security. So that one is an easy fix. We are taking away most of the control that we have given her. We are going to scale back and limit her choices to just a few things. Like, she can still choose what she wants to wear to school and how she fixes her hair, but Dad and I will schedule her time. She doesn't get to decide when to do homework, or practice her violin. She must follow OUR schedule. ETC, ETC, ETC.

2) Alyssa is feeling different because she is adopted! This issue is a little harder. She talked in great length about how she feels like an outsider and that she feels ashamed to be adopted. That was hard to hear - really hard! And, it was hard for her to admit! She talked about J and how much she liked being able to "talk" to someone else that is adopted. She also talked about feeling guilty for how she feels because J always seems so glad that she is adopted, and Alyssa feels ashamed. We tried to help Alyssa understand that she should feel special about her adoption. How special Jeff and I feel that Alyssa is our daughter. We talked about her being chosen. She didn't realize that we had turned down other kids before her. She didn't realize that we got to choose. She thought we HAD to take what they gave us. We tried to explain that was the reason she was so special - she was CHOSEN!!!

We will see how the next few days go. This morning was definitely better. She made an effort! That in and of itself is progress.

Finally, the doodle is compliments of Rick at Organized Doodles. I don't know why exactly, but it just seemed to fit us right now. Always loving and "in love", just a little demented and weird!

Help!

2009-02-23T09:44:00.002-06:00

I am asking for help!

I need some fresh ideas for getting Alyssa to open up. She has shown no interest in blogging, she constantly says that we don't love her, and she is sassy and disrespectful beyond belief.

We had ONE GOOD DAY, and then poof! The sass and disrespect returned full force. Now, she has added the woe is me complex. I am bad, I do nothing right, nobody loves me...

I have to admit that my patience and empathy are gone. You are entitled to your feelings. BUT, your feelings do not give you the right to treat me with sass and disrespect! I am here and more than willing to listen to you and try to help. BUT, be sincere! I keep getting the feeling that I am being played. Alyssa has been going to therapy long enough now that she knows the right things to say. But I feel like she is just mouthing the words. She says what we want to hear, but her actions say otherwise!

Who knows, maybe it's the weather. I know that I am not the only Mom that is really struggling for respect right now. But Alyssa knows better! She has something going on that she is hiding and refusing to talk about and it shows in her behavior. I am gearing up for a huge relevation, her behavior is that bad!

So come on Awesome Moms! Give me ideas! I need some new tools in my toolbelt!!!

We have therapy with Paulette tonight so I am hoping that she can give us some ideas that will change things up.

I don't like living with this tension! I feel like we are going backwards instead of forward!

Laundry Day

2009-02-20T09:23:00.002-06:00

Yesterday was a good day! The morning went really smooth and after school, Alyssa decided that she wanted to make supper for us. I took her (and her cookbook) to the grocery store and she picked out the ingredients that she would need. We got home and she followed the recipe and did everything by herself. I supervised and helped when she asked. She made lasagna roll ups for dinner and for dessert, apple pie strudels! It was wonderfully delicious! She even did the dishes when she finished cooking!

After dinner, we went to a jewelry party that a friend of mine was having. I told Alyssa that if she wanted to buy something, she would have to use her own money. So she looked through the catalog and very carefully chose two items that she wanted. She asked my advice, and I approved. They were age appropriate, (she usually chooses things that are way too old for her) and fit within her budget. So she forked over her cash, and THANKED me for taking her along!

We got home late. It was thirty minutes past bed time and she got her jammies on, brushed her teeth, and went peacefully to bed.

Miracles do happen!

Today I am going to get caught up on the laundry that I have pushed off all week. I usually do at least 1 load every day and it is now Friday and I haven't done any. So I am going to try to get it all caught up so that we can enjoy the weekend without having to do chores!

School Pic

2009-02-19T11:21:00.001-06:00

I just realized that I never posted Alyssa's school picture from this year. So here it is!

Grounded

2009-02-19T10:26:00.002-06:00

Well Alyssa didn't blog last night. She was tired and just wanted to watch a movie with her free time. She has had a lot of big tests to study for and I think she is just burned out. Today alone she has a spelling test, math test, and a test on the 50 states. Her goal is 100%. I will be happy if she doesn't zone out and miss them all. She knows them, and her teacher knows she knows them.

In other news, her sassy, disrespectful mouth has gotten her grounded. She had a roller skating outing planned with her friend that is not going to happen. But for once, I am not the bad guy, Daddy is! Yeah for him! He overheard Alyssa at her sassy worst and grounded her till the end of the weekend. He took away all non family activities. She can't even go pick up her Girl Scout Cookie order, Daddy will do it for her! So yeah for my hubby! Maybe my bitch fest of the other day finally sank in!!!

Snow???!!!!!

2009-02-18T08:46:00.003-06:00

It is snowing! Big, fat, beautiful flakes. But I am ready for spring! I am ready to see the promise of rebirth and new beginnings.

We are at that point when the skating rink is closed because it warmed up and the ice got icky. The snow melted just enough that we can't go sledding. We are at the point when winter is not fun anymore. This is when we would normally take a mini winter vacation. Go to an indoor water park for the weekend and pretend that it is warm outside. However, being laid off, I hesitate to spend money if we don't have to. Lord knows that we have dished out enough in the past week.

Alyssa is still struggling with behaviors. However, she is trying. I can handle the bad, knowing and being able to see Alyssa working hard to make it better. She lost her desire to do the work for a little bit and it worried me.

She asked if she could blog after school today, so I am glad about that. Blogging seems to really help her make sense of her feelings.

A friend of mine is having a really hard time with her daughter. Please remember her family in your prayers.

Alcohol is a Mom's Best Friend!

2009-02-17T09:04:00.001-06:00

I feel much better today, it is amazing what a night out with friends will do for a person. Add to that mass quantities of alcohol and the world is a much better place today!

Thanks for all your kind wishes, they really helped and gave me the boost I needed!

I Give Up!

2009-02-16T09:19:00.002-06:00

I wish I could share good news with all of you, really I do. But, life in this household has been very stressful. Alyssa is rolling up and down and seems unable (or unwilling) to be a family kid. I must admit that I have not been a good Mom. So I am going to rant and please be kind. I love my daughter and my husband, but I have had enough!

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I am so done feeling like a doormat and not being respected. I am sick of the sass and disrespect that comes out of my daughter's mouth. I am sick and tired of being expected to move on as if nothing happened five minutes after Alyssa makes me feel like shit because of something she said! She can scream "I HATE YOU!" and two minutes later turn around and act like nothing happened. I can't pretend any more. Last night my daughter mocked me, and my husband did nothing. Which then led to me screaming at him, which led to him screaming at Alyssa, which led to Alyssa informing me that she knew that I didn't love her and she was ready to move. Now, I know it is her RAD rearing its ugly head, and that she is scared, but at what point is it OK to treat me like shit, make me cry, and break my heart, and not have to be accountable for it?

I do nothing but yell at her, remind her of all the BAD things she does(mind you, we never use the word bad in this house - we talk about wrong choices), and never help her! I am the worst Mom in the world and never do anything nice for her!

I am the one that spent 30 minutes in the store picking out the perfect Valentine's card. I am the one that picked out the teddy bear and movie for her gift. I am the one that made treats for her class and helped her bake a cake for Daddy. I am the one that wrapped her gift and made sure she would have a good valentine's day. What did I get? Well, Alyssa realized that no one bothered to remember me on Valentine's Day. She went in her room, ripped out a piece of notebook paper, and scribbled Happy Valentine's Day Mom on it and came out and said "I made you a card Mom!" Then, Jeff went to the store and bought Alyssa flowers like he does every year on Valentine's Day and came home with flowers for me too. He gave them to me saying "I figured you would shoot me if I came home with flowers for Alyssa and not you!"

THANK YOU DEAR FAMILY FOR THE WONDERFUL GIFTS! NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't ask for much, really I don't. Is it too much to ask to be appreciated? I don't think so!

I know Jeff is struggling with some pretty serious issues, and I'm worried about him. I am also worried about Alyssa - desperately worried. BUT I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am running on empty and if my tank doesn't get refilled, I am going to be living in a rubber room, wearing a straight jacket, with drool running down my face! I know, not a pretty picture!

What do I do to move forward? To make my family move forward? I am not perfect, far from it! But I realize that I'm screwing up - I just don't know what to do to fix it!!!

I suck!

2009-02-13T09:36:00.002-06:00

We started this morning happy and smiling. It ended with tears and yelling. Yelling on my part and tears from Alyssa.

It began when Alyssa asked me to look at her foot, she thought she had a sliver. So, I looked at her foot, and yes, a little sliver in her heal. I get the tweezer out and touch her foot and holy bloody hell, the screaming started and you would have thought that I was amputating her foot! I lost it - completely! I grabbed her foot and yanked out the sliver, the whole while lecturing her about the excess of drama and how so many kids are suffering from real illnesses and injuries and she was screaming bloody murder over a sliver! I continued to lecture her all the way to school about how she should be counting her blessings instead of carrying on over a sliver!

Then, we got to school and I say, "Love you sweetie, have a nice day!" Alyssa looked at me like I had flipped my lid, perhaps she was right.

I suck!

P.S. When I hyperlink something on my blog, it is not showing up with a different color, even though I have a special color set in my settings. Any ideas? It is driving me nuts and at this point I don't think I need anything else pushing me over the ledge!

A Busy Mom

2009-02-12T08:14:00.005-06:00

We have been busy preparing for Valentine's Day. Alyssa chose to make Cupid's Cups to make for her class treat. They are a little putzy, but we are having fun doing them. Even Jeff got creative with the chocolate and enjoyed making designs on the cups.

Getting Alyssa to journal has always been a challenge. I am hoping that blogging will change that. She seems to like the idea of doing a blog, so maybe this will be a great thing for her. I am not pushing her to blog, when she asks to go on her blog, I let her. She is still keeping things private, but is VERY excited to be in contact with J, another kid just like her, so she says!

We hit a rough patch with our vehicles. It seems that everything went to hell in a hand basket all at once. First, over Christmas, someone hit our truck and ran. $3,000 later, we had a $200 deductible to pay and our truck is fixed. Then, we discovered that my car doesn't like to start when it gets cold. Now folks, I live in Wisconsin, it is cold here all the time! The shop finally figured out what the problem is and it is covered under warranty, but we have to pay the $75 deductible. Then, the service engine light comes on in the truck. We took it in and it seems the water pump was leaking! So that added another $500 to the vehicle total. And, while the truck was up on the lift, it was discovered that the sidewalls of the tires are shot, so we need new tires - NOW! So far, the cheapest estimate for new tires is $1000. Where that is going to come from is yet to be seen. All of these issues on their own are no biggy. But why do they have to happen all at once??????

I have discovered that while I enjoy being a stay at home Mom, I NEED to get back to work! I like working. I know, who knew? I like the challenge of the daily grind, and believe it or not, I get more things done when I have more to do. I am hoping that I will find a job soon, but the way the economy is, I am not holding my breath. I know the perfect job is out there and I'll find it!

So, lastly, Happy Valentine's Day ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Lisa taught Alyssa how to do the hearts - THANK'S LISA, LOVE IT! ♥

One last thing. Alyssa said I should tell everyone that if you would like to be able to read her blog, send your email address and why you would like to read her blog and she will consider adding you!

Alyssa has a Blog!

2009-02-06T13:08:00.003-06:00

Alyssa has been inspired to blog! She is at The Secret Life of Me. Her blog is set to private, so if you would like to follow her story, please comment and we will see if Alyssa will add you. So far she said she just wants to talk to kids, but we will see. I think J's courage really inspired her.

Just a note of caution: Alyssa has final say over who gets to read her blog, so don't be hurt if she says no. She may go public later, but for now, she feels better being private.

I am Alive!

2009-02-05T08:31:00.002-06:00

I am back to the world of blogging!

I have no excuse other than to say that being unemployed has thrown me for a loop. I have started so many projects and finished none! I think that I am finally starting to get back in the groove!

Now for an update on Alyssa. We had a rough holiday. Alyssa is really struggling with her feelings for her birth family. We decided to let her send a letter to her Aunt. Alyssa wrote a letter telling her that she missed them and she included some pictures. Well, they never responded, so then Alyssa was really hurt that they didn't care. My heart ached for her as I sat here and suffered the fallout of that letter.

We have spent the majority of our therapy time trying to help Alyssa deal with her feelings. I am happy to say that she seems to be back on the right track. She is smiling again and has the twinkle back in her eyes! I was very concerned that she was going to get stuck in the past and not be able to move forward. But my little girl is strong, and she is going to be OK!

I'm sorry that I haven't been around. I have thought of you all daily and remembered you in my prayers. I promise that I will get back to my regular blogging. I still have a couple of projects to finish and the majority of my time is spent job hunting, but I promise to post on a regular basis!

How I spent my weekend

2008-12-08T10:07:00.004-06:00

Need Help!

2008-12-02T10:57:00.002-06:00

For some reason, I am not receiving emails for my received comments.

This has been going on since I went in and changed my email address from my work email to my home email.

Does anyone have any ideas???????????????????

HELP!!!

Anyone need clothes???

2008-12-02T09:42:00.002-06:00

I'm Back!

What a busy weekend. Thanksgiving day was really nice. We enjoyed the day with Tammy & Bruce. Very relaxing and no major blow ups from Alyssa!

Friday morning we were up at 4:00am and hit the stores. This year, more than any other year, we are on a tight budget so deals were super important! I did very well and got everything on my list. We were home by 10:15am and my shopping is almost complete! Does that ever feel good!

The remainder of the weekend was spent baking, decorating the yard, church, and a very lazy Sunday. Sunday night brought our first snow storm of the year and as a result, school on Monday was delayed for two hours. Alyssa wanted to use the time to choose cookie recipes for us to bake. Her behavior is touch and go. One minute she is smiling and cooperating, the next she is sassy and disrespectful. The worst is bed time. We are reading the "Little House" books and both really enjoy our time together before bed. The problem is that Alyssa is doing everything in her power to sabotage that time. I am taking a lot of deep breaths and Jeff is tag teaming so that I can remain calm and loving - not always an easy task! I am going to start decorating the house today, at least dig all the decorations out. I am going to try to have a bunch of different tasks available so that when Alyssa gets antsy, we can move to a new task.

Being home all day makes me wonder how in the world I managed to accomplish everything that needs to get done when I was working full time! I am going to enjoy being home for the holidays and start job hunting for real after the first of the year.

Alyssa has been complaining of heart burn. I don't know if it is something that I should have her checked for because she only complains about it when she is worried about something. If I do take her in, the Doctor is going to look at me crazy, because in my gut I think it is all in her head. But you know, that "What if"? I'm going to see how this week goes and then take it from there.

Can anyone out there could use kids clothes, size 10-12??? I have all of Alyssa's clothes from last winter and nothing fits. Everything is practically brand new and before I take it to Goodwill, I would like to give it to someone I know that could use it. She also has an assortment of winter jackets, snow pants and boots that are like new! So let me know if you have a need or know of someone that does. I will be glad to ship it out!

Thanksgiving

2008-11-25T08:27:00.002-06:00

Miss Alyssa is struggling!

I think the holiday combined with me losing my job is weighing heavily on her mind.

We have tried to reassure her, but we are seeing outright defiance. Then, when we say anything, she bursts into tears and says "Everyone is always yelling at me"!

My plan is to pull her in close and just keep talking about traditions, trying to incorporate things that she remembers from holidays past. Lots of patience is going to be required, but hey, I should have lots of it 'cause I have no work related stress - right?

We have a busy week planned. Tammy will be here tonight, Wednesday we will prepare all the goodies for Thanksgiving. Miss Alyssa wants sweet potato pie so that will be a new experience for us. Friday morning it will be up at 4:00am for shopping and then we will start decorating for Christmas.

Here is what I am thankful for:

My husband and my daughter
My wonderful friends
My blogging friends
I will have time to enjoy the holidays this year
New opportunities

I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Thanks

2008-11-24T12:47:00.002-06:00

Thanks to everyone for your thoughts and prayers!

Friday morning, we had a meeting with the company that bought us out. We were all under the impression that we would be transitioning to the new company. As it turns out, only 2 people were asked to join the new company - I was not one of them. It was a very emotional meeting and my boss broke down and cried!

I took the weekend and regrouped. I spent time with the people that mean the most to me and now I am ready to face this new challenge!

I filed for unemployment today. I scanned the job listings and had confirmed what I already thought - there are no jobs out there right now! I am going to enjoy being home for the holidays and do all the little extras that I never had time for before.

I have to admit that today I am being really lazy. It is almost 1:00 and I haven't even showered yet! We had our first snowfall last night so I really should shovel but I just don't feel like it.

I have to update my resume. I'm not even sure if I know where it is. I may have to start over. Oh well, it will give me something to do.

I want to say again, sincerely and heart felt. Thank you for all the thoughts and prayers. I really do appreciate them.

Unemployed

2008-11-20T11:08:00.001-06:00

I am officially unemployed.

My company closed its doors this morning - for good!

I am distraught.

I will write more when I've had a chance to absorb the implications.

Pray for us.

Stress!

2008-11-19T14:02:00.003-06:00

In order for us to begin using "Emotional, Regulatory Healing" from our conference last Saturday, I need to reduce my stress. I live under such a load of stress that saying I need to lower my stress and actually doing it are two completely different things!

Take for example, Jeff. Jeff was diagnosed with PTSD. Dealing with Alyssa and her journey with her past, brought up terrible memories of the abuse Jeff suffered at the hands of his father. Jeff is dealing with his past now. He went through therapy(tapping) and he is on medication. He is much better.

Well when this all started, I started shielding him from most if not all of Alyssa's worst behavior. I didn't want to add to Jeff's problems. So, basically, I started doing it all alone! I also quit talking about it because I felt like everyone was getting sick and tired of hearing about all my little issues! You see, most of the big ones(behaviors) are gone now. Now it is the constant drip, drip, drip of all these little annoying behaviors that 'bout drive me over the edge!

So, now Jeff is telling me to quit protecting him. In my head, I know I can't do it all myself! But in my heart, I am so filled with worry that what if he is not ready? That I end up stressing out about it! And so the story goes. The thought of having to figure out how to reduce my stress is actually stressing me out!

So all my blogging friends. Please share with me your tried and true methods for reducing stress. Is there a pill I can take? Is alcohol the only answer? I really would appreciate any and every suggestion you have!

A Place in My Heart - Report

2008-11-17T11:08:00.004-06:00

Juli Alvarado is an awesome speaker! The information she presented wasn't new, just presented in a different way that made us look at things differently. I'll try to hit the highlights, if you have questions, ask away.

First, she suggested that all our kids have their cortisol levels (cortisol measures stress) checked monthly. We can then use this as a guide to whether or not we are being successful. If their stress is lower, their behavior will be better.

She talked alot about stress. She explained that our kids have extremely high levels of stress, and how that affects behavior. She also stressed taking care of ourselves. "You can't give away that which is not yours!" Meaning, you can't help regulate your kids if you are not regulated! I felt like she was talking about me at that moment! I think that is why my tolerance has been so low - my stress is too high! Jeff and I talked about ways that I could lower my stress. He wants me to get out more, or at the very least, actually schedule craft time at home, just by myself!

She also used a lens to help us understand our kids. She said that a child that has always had needs met, had love and cuddles, has a clear lens to look through in which to see love, family, relationships. But, our kids, because of their pasts don't have a clear lens, their lens is very dark and very cloudy. Therefore, we don't see things the same way. When dealing with our kids, we should try to see the world through their lens. These are things we have heard before, but the way she presented them, made sense!

She really stressed that we need to help our kids regulate. We should respond, not react to their behavior. This is going to be hard, but Jeff and I are both going to try it. She also said that we should tell our kids that we are sorry FOR THEM, that they need to be with us, BUT that we are happy for US that they are!

She is going to be sending out emails shortly with daily tips. We will get one every day for the next 100 days! I am excited to try some of her suggestions. It made sense to me. Oh, and the hugest thing by far, she really stressed that the brain is ALWAYS capable of changing and growing and healing! It may be easier at an early age, but it is possible, at any time, at any age! She gave people hope!

Many people, myself included, spent the entire day in tears! It was very emotional, and very difficult to take a close look at our kids, and ourselves, and admit that we need to change some things!

We are both very glad we went! If you ever get the opportunity to hear this woman speak, or attend one of her seminars, please do so!

I have been tagged!

2008-11-14T09:08:00.002-06:00

Thanks to Lisa, I am "it". I have never been "it" before in the blogging world.

Here are the rules:

1. Link to the person who tagged you and post the rules.
2. Share seven random or weird facts about yourself.
3. Tag 7 random people at the end of your post with their links.
4. Let each person know they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Just so everyone knows, I hate this stuff! I never know what to say and end up either sounding like a raging lunatic, or very, very boring. I apologize in advance to all the people that I am going to "tag", just in case you also share my sentiment.

1. I am a perfectionist. It is my greatest strength, and also my biggest fault! Raising a RAD daughter has almost pushed me to the brink of insanity but I think I have finally learned to relax a bit.

2. I have a sock issue. It drives me nuts when people have shorts on and their socks are at different heights. Or, horror of horrors, they are wearing black socks! I have walked up to friends, bent down, and fixed their socks! It has gotten to the point where I only buy ankle socks for my family, because then they are always "right". I know, I know, if there was a "Socks Anonymous" I would be the first member!

3. I cry at everything! I cry watching Extreme Home Makeover. I cried last night watching ER. I actually bawled last night watching ER! I cried in Church during a choir performance because the music was so beautiful. I cry a lot when I read some of blogging friends posts.

4. I am a klutz. A big one. I trip all the time, I bump into things, I knock stuff over, and I am very uncoordinated!

5. I am a worry wort. Jeff will call me if he is gonna be more than 10 minutes later than what he said. I constantly worry about Tammy and Cindy because they both live so far away. I worry about Alyssa, I worry about my blogging friends, I worry all the time. It doesn't stress me out really, because it is just who I am.

6. I am a good friend. I'm not tooting my own horn. It is just a fact. I WANT to be a good friend, and because of that, I work very hard to be one.

7. OK, I saved the best for last! I belch and fart! Now don't worry too much, I do understand that there is a time and place for everything and I'm not likely to embarrass anyone(I hope). But, if I am hanging out with friends and I gotta belch, I belch. Likewise on the farting thing. Don't worry, if there stinky I will leave the room(usually).

Now, for those I am going to tag:

1. Tammy. Because she is my bestest friend in the whole world and we share EVERYTHING!

2. Torina. Because she is not afraid to talk about farting and puking.

3. Ali. Because she tells it like it is.

4. Unspeakable Joy. I like reading about her perspective on raising children with RAD.

5. Kari. I don't remember anymore, how I found her blog, but this woman inspires me every day!

6. Thorn. I enjoy reading her perspective on foster/adoption. She is just beginning her journey.

7. Sugar & Spice. She just cracks me up!

OK - all done!

Happy Birthday Bruce!

2008-11-12T14:01:00.003-06:00

The Awesome Uncle Bruce is 45 today!

This first picture was taken two years ago, on Bruce's 43rd birthday. We had just welcomed Alyssa to our family and she already had Uncle Bruce wrapped around her little finger.

This next picture was taken by Alyssa, last year at Christmas. It literally shows how much Alyssa looks up to her Uncle Bruce!

Thank God for Uncle Bruce!

We Love You!

I was wrong!

2008-11-12T13:46:00.003-06:00

I was proven wrong!

By the time I got home from work, Alyssa had her homework done, had her room cleaned and was ready to go to choir practice. She apologized for not keeping her promise to me and said that she was determined to do better!

Jeff & I dropped her off at choir, and then went for parent/teacher conferences at school. She is doing great! She is showing a great deal of maturity and responsibility, and is well liked! The only problem - and it is a big one - she rushes through everything, just to be the first one finished! As a result, her test scores are terrible. Her teacher assures us that the test results are not an accurate reflection of Alyssa's knowledge of a subject. For example: Alyssa was given a reading test. She was finished in 9 minutes and scored a 118. The lowest score in the 4th grade, even lower than the special ed classes and the kids with learning disabilities. The 118 score was like a pre-1st grade level! Her teacher had her retake the test, telling Alyssa to slow down and take her time. She scored in the high 600's!

So we came up with a plan for rewarding Alyssa if she is able to slow down. If she is able to be successful, she will get to take a treat for her class. Alyssa will get to be the center of attention for bringing in treats and Mom & Dad will get to be the cool parents that are proud of their daughter and want the world to know!

Let's hope it works!

Warning! Bitchy Post

2008-11-11T08:56:00.003-06:00

I am so tired!

I am tired of feeling taken advantage of, taken for granted, and tired of being the mean Mommy!

We saw Paulette last night, and she wants us to go back to basics. So tonight, 15 minutes before bedtime, we get to go into Alyssa's room, and anything that is not put away, becomes mine! I hate doing this. I thought we had gotten past doing this.

Alyssa is going to test. She is going to leave her room a mess for at least the next 3 or 4 days. Just to see if we are going to be consistent. Then the crying will start, then the begging, then the meltdown. I can see the writing on the wall.

I hope I am proven wrong.

Alyssa apologized to us last night. She used the 5 step apology and to prove that she was sincere, promised to get up every day this week early enough to have breakfast with Daddy and be ready to leave the house on time. Well, guess what. She ate breakfast with Jeff and the minute he left for work, Little Miss Sunshine was gone and I ended up with the "screw you" attitude. So, does that mean that she was sincere in her apology to Jeff, and didn't give a rat's ass about me? 'Cause that's the way I feel!

I get all the crap from Alyssa and lately, very little of the good stuff. I'm tired of being the enforcer. I told Jeff last night that I'm done! From now on, he would be doing 95% of the discipline and I would be the one to just have fun! That way, he can be the one doing 95% of the bitching too and I can be the happy one for a change! This was what he told Paulette last night. She asked about the discipline and I was not pointing fingers, just stating fact when I said that I do probably 95% of the discipline. Jeff piped up with "Well, for sure 95% of the hollering"! This comment really hurt me and I haven't talked to him about it yet. What gets me is that I do most of the discipline because Jeff is very non-confrontational. So, I just do it. But then, he turns around and makes a comment like that. I'm going to talk to him tonight. If that's the way he feels, he can do all of it, and then he won't have to listen to me bitch!

I NEED A VACATION.................................BY MYSELF!!!

Little Miss Sunshine - NOT

2008-11-10T13:43:00.004-06:00

I don't even know where to start...

We had a rough weekend. And the worst part is that Alyssa seems to have learned a new game!

Saturday, we had our normal weekly chore time. Jeff, myself, and Alyssa all pitch in and get the weekly chores done so that we all would be able to have free time. Alyssa decided to move in slow motion, whine, and ultimately pitch a major fit. I took her to her room for some thinking time. She came out about 5 minutes later and decided to tell me that she was so stressed out from testing all week in school that she just wanted to relax, not do chores. SHE THOUGHT THIS WOULD WORK TO EXCUSE HER FROM DOING HER CHORES!!!

Then, Sunday. What a day! We did the usual morning routine. Alyssa went to Sunday school, then we all went to church. After church, we went out for brunch. We got home and Jeff took a short nap. I told Alyssa to pick her Barbie's up that she had left out Saturday night. She went in her room and all was quiet. I sent Alyssa to wake Jeff up because he had to work at the Pancake supper at church. The minute Jeff left the house (around 1:30pm) Alyssa decided to get lippy! I asked her if her Barbie's were picked up. She decided that it was OK to tell me what she was going to do. She decided that it was OK to yell at me and make the rules! This went on all day! I decided to ignore the attitude, and just make sure she understood that she would get no privileges until her room was picked up and her reading was done. I told her that she had until 4:30pm to get it done, at which time we would be going to church for the pancake supper. About 4:15, room worse than what it was before, she came up to me and starting telling me to get ready because it was time to leave, and I needed to do this, this, and that before we could leave. I promptly fired her and told her that she needed to apologize for her behavior/attitude. We went to church for the Pancake supper and her behavior was OK. The minute we got home, she started in right away, ordering me around and telling me what to do!

I DON'T THINK SO!!!

What my dear Miss Alyssa forgot, is that we see Paulette tonight! Her behavior and attitude is very much on my mind and she is going to have to explain it to Paulette. I actually had to hold back a chuckle at the look on her face when I reminded her!

I am so glad that we have our parenting conference this weekend. My bag of tricks is getting pretty low and I need some new ideas!

And if that wasn't enough, I got an email this morning from Alyssa's teacher. She wanted to know why Alyssa was full of all the attitude. Apparently, she is not little Miss Sunshine today!

E-Gads!!!

Oh yea, and my Packers lost......I have no words!

Packers vs. Vikings

2008-11-07T08:58:00.007-06:00

Sunday at high noon, the Green Bay Packers will take on the Minnesota Vikings. This is a huge division rivalry and I can't wait to cheer the Pack on to victory!

Torina is not feeling so good, but I hope she feels better by Sunday so that I don't feel too guilty when I harass her when her ViQueens lose!

I hope Tammy is going to be here for the game??????? She is missing her baby and a Packer win will definitely lift her mood a little. Call me sweetie!

So, not only is it Friday - THANK GOD!!! But Sunday, we get to watch the Packers beat the ViQUEENS!!!

GO PACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Baby Time

2008-11-07T08:13:00.002-06:00

Jeff picked Alyssa up from school and she was so happy! She then proceeded to "be a baby" for the next 3 hours!

Jeff held her and cuddled her, even fed her a "bottle". By the time I got home from work, they were cuddled up together on the couch watching "A Goofy Movie". Alyssa was still in baby mode, and wanted me to feed her a "bottle". We did this until after we ate, then told Alyssa that she had to be 9 again so she could get her homework done.

The evening went pretty smooth, although Alyssa was very emotional. Kid gloves were needed to avoid a meltdown. She went to bed and was out the minute her head hit the pillow!

This morning, she woke up happy, silly, and relaxed! She has no residual behaviors and apologized for her behavior the last couple of days! Oh, and this apology was unprompted!!! She used the 5 Step Apology, and offered to do some extra chores to make up for giving Mom & Dad a hard time.

Jeff walked her to school this morning, and the two of them were laughing and singing as they headed off down the road!

Once again, all is right in my world!

I Miss Daddy!

2008-11-06T11:00:00.003-06:00

Well, I know no more today than I did yesterday. Alyssa is still teetering on the edge of a meltdown and I don't know why. I don't think she knows why!

I think that there are a lot of really little issues that are affecting her. By themselves, no big deal. All happening at once, she's a little out of sorts.

For example. Jeff is on vacation this week. The change in our morning routine is freaking her out just a little bit. Jeff went to visit some friends yesterday and stayed over night. Alyssa doesn't believe that he is coming back. THAT breaks my heart! I told her Daddy will be home this afternoon, and while her head accepts that, I don't think her heart really believes it! They are doing state mandated testing at school this week. Etc. Etc. Etc.

See what I mean? Not one big issue, a lot of little stuff just adding up. I tried being very accommodating last night. Didn't push too hard to get homework and chores done. Jeff will be home tonight and that will be one less thing to deal with!

Jeff is going to surprise Alyssa by picking her up from school. She doesn't know that she doesn't have to go to day care! He may even take her out for ice cream!

We are going to tread lightly and see how it goes.

Oh and this morning, when I asked Alyssa if there was anything she wanted to talk about, she burst into tears and said, "I miss Daddy"!

An Angry Girl

2008-11-05T12:35:00.002-06:00

Alyssa was angry yesterday! She came up to Jeff, not once but twice, and stomped on his foot!

She then screamed at him that he lied. She refused to tell him what she was upset about, or what she thought he lied about.

All because Jeff told her to get her room cleaned up and her laundry downstairs.

Last night, she was moody, sassy and disrespectful. Would not talk to me either. So we still don't know what is going on. Last night, I told Alyssa that she could get away with not talking about her feelings - for the night. Today we will sit down and hash things out.

She woke up smiling and happy, so maybe we will be able to have a productive talk. She still needs to apologize to Jeff. But first, we will have a heart to heart!

Now the election. I am proud to be an American today! History has been made! 40 years ago, some people were not allowed to vote because of the color of their skin. Last night, "We the People" elected our first black President. My daughter's future is indeed bright. You can achieve your dreams. Even if your dream is to be president!

Now, this country has to set aside its differences and work together to solve some big problems. Let's hope that we are up for the challenges!

I changed the look of my blog and I'm not sure if I like it. What do you think?

WELCOME HOME JASON!

2008-11-04T08:03:00.002-06:00

Jason came home last night from his 2nd tour of duty in Iraq. Jeanie has her husband back safe and sound and all who love them can take a collective sigh of relief.

Thanks, Jason. For your dedication to the Marine corp, for your service to your country, and most important, for keeping me and my family safe!

I am so glad you are home!!!

The 5 Step Apology

2008-10-30T08:34:00.003-05:00

My blogging friends have been experiencing so much heartache lately. My heart goes out to each and every one of you.

I, on the other hand, feel like we have most definitely turned a corner and are in a new(good) place.

Our lives have changed dramatically since last year. Alyssa has worked hard, Jeff & I have worked hard. It has paid off! Alyssa finally feels safe! And, because she feels safe, she is opening up and sharing her feelings. I hesitate to use the word healed, because healing, I believe, is continuous. But I do believe that she is attached to us. She trusts us. That in and of itself is a huge accomplishment!

I also believe that my darling Alyssa will always have "issues". I also believe that because of her history, she is going to be a very strong, compassionate adult. She is going to appreciate her life more and really understand that she is special.

Our daily struggles have shifted from hate filled tantrums and defiance, to "normal" kid sassy issues. Our therapy has also shifted to repairing our relationship, and helping Alyssa realize how her words and actions affect other people.

Paulette gave us a new technique to use for apologies. She called it "The 5 Step Apology"

1. I'm sorry____________(Specifically address the person, ie: Mom or Dad)
2. For: _______________(Must say what she is sorry for)
3. My words or actions made you feel:______________________(she must connect that when she says for example "I hate you!", that it makes us feel unloved)
4. To make it up to you, I will:_______________________(she needs to tell us what she will do to make the apology sincere).
5. Is that acceptable to you? (This last step gives us the opportunity to coach Alyssa in the different magnitude of offenses. For example, an "I hate you!" could be made up for with a hug and a kiss, a broken vase might be made up for with chores, etc.)

This process is to take the place of Jeff & I handing down consequences. It is designed to get Alyssa to understand cause and affect. I am excited about this process. We have already begun using it and Alyssa has already had an "AH HA" moment!

I think I am going to enjoy this new phase in our therapy. I am starting to feel like just a "normal" Mom!

A Place in My Heart

2008-10-27T13:43:00.003-05:00

In two weeks, Jeff & I will be attending a parenting conference called "A Place in My Heart". This conference will feature Juli Alvarado . The morning training is focusing on trauma and the afternoon session is attachment.

I have heard great things about Juli, as well as her organization "Coaching for Life". We are really looking forward to this learning opportunity, and since Auntie Tammy is taking Alyssa for the night, it will also give Jeff & I some much needed "couple" time.

Have any of you heard Juli Alvarado speak, or heard of her period?

Catchin' Up

2008-10-27T08:53:00.003-05:00

I can't believe it has been a whole week since I blogged! Time flies when you are having a normal life! Yes, it has been a good week! Alyssa has embraced the "Team Evans" concept and has really been making a concentrated effort to help out. She has cleaned the bathroom (YEAH!!!), kept her room clean, helped with laundry, helped Jeff put new windows in her bedroom, helped with dishes, the list goes on and on. Yesterday after church, she picked up all the hymnals and put them back on the table without even being asked! The ushers were so impressed, they gave her a bag of M&M's!

Saturday, Uncle Bruce and Auntie came to take Alyssa out to lunch. Alyssa was so excited. She told me made her feel very special! Way to go Uncle Bruce & Auntie!!!

Saturday night, Alyssa had her first concert for the Lakeshore Youth Chorale. We were so proud of her and she did GREAT!!!

Yesterday, we went and picked out pumpkins and then went to see "High School Musical 3". Alyssa LOVED it and Mom & Dad loved it too! It was a lot of fun just to see the excitement on Alyssa's face!

My best friend, soon to be sister-in-law, sister of the heart, beloved "Auntie" Tammy, has finally taken my advice and started blogging! I really think it will be good for her. So to all my cyber friends, please go check out Tammy's new blog, "Life Without Siarra" and say hi!

Happy Anniversary!

2008-10-20T15:45:00.005-05:00

Today is our 2yr anniversary. It was a rough weekend - Alyssa wore her emotions very close to the surface. If you looked at her wrong, she would burst into tears and be all "Why are you yelling at me?"

Progress!

When Alyssa first joined our family, she was such a lost little girl. And then, once the honeymoon was over, man was she pissed! And guess who took the brunt of her anger? Yup, I did. Even last year, we saw behaviors that were all over the map. But last year they were still coupled with anger. Last year I was still being kicked, hit, pinched, slapped, etc, etc,etc.

Now, just one short year later. We could still tell what the date was. Alyssa has been having a rough couple of weeks. But, I can happily report that we have had no anger! We've seen her slack in school, slack at home, be weepy sad, giddy happy, and everything in between. She has been sassy, stubborn, disrespectful and controlling. BUT we have seen NO ANGER!!!!!

Progress!

Last night Jeff & I talked about how stressful the weekend was because Alyssa was so touchy and we were on pins and needles. Today, I have been thinking about what I wanted to say in this post and I realized how much progress Alyssa has made.

So I will close this post by saying that the last two years have brought about every emotion under the sun. Our family has been on the brink of despair, only to turn and walk into sunshine. We have grown as a family and I think, really appreciate what it means to be a family. We have changed in the past two years. We went from being in survival mode, to getting to enjoy our daughter. Yea, she still has a way to go. But for today, I am counting my blessings.

God answered my prayer. I asked for a daughter. And boy did I get one! I wouldn't trade her for the world!!!

Random Pictures

2008-10-17T14:21:00.012-05:00

Hanging out "Up North

The infamous "BIG BERTHA"

Alyssa helping Jeff drive the boat!

Alyssa's first "summer" fish!

Alyssa and Jeff building the picnic table up north.
Just getting started and celebrating completion!

Alyssa's baptism dress. Such a cutie!

The Pumpkin Patch Festival

Beautiful Fall Color!

I Choose You

2008-10-15T13:59:00.005-05:00

The following was written on Brenda's blog. It describes so well what it is like raising a Raddish.
Thanks Brenda!

I Choose You

I choose you

Even if you don't choose me.

I love you

When you don't love yourself.

I have hope

When you have given up.

I will be strong

When you feel so weak.

I will have courage

When you are afraid.

I will feel your pain with you

When it is too great to bear by yourself.

I will stay calm

When you are falling apart.

I will show you loving eyes

When your eyes are filled with hate.

I will give you gentle touch

When you want to get away.

I will understand

When no one else does.

You can love.

You can trust.

You can feel safe.

I will believe

until you believe it yourself.

Love,

Mom

Wake Up Call!!!!!

2008-10-15T10:59:00.002-05:00

Rick just posted this on his blog!

I felt like I got slapped in the face. Two months to Christmas and I have NO projects started! I've got lots of ideas, just nothing started!

Hobby Lobby, here I come!

Comments

2008-10-15T09:52:00.002-05:00

I just wanted everyone out in blogging world to know that I do read my comments. All of them. I don't always have the opportunity to comment back, but it is helpful to read the suggestions that are so thoughtfully given, and also really nice to receive the support that is so unselfishly given.

A huge THANK YOU to Lisa! She is such an awesome Mom and a great friend! If you have never checked out her blog, please go say hi and be inspired by her intense dedication to Miss J. Send some good thoughts and prayers her way also, they are going through some scary stuff and could really use the love!

Yesterdays rant about my family was just simply that, a rant. I do not want anyone to think that our family is not strong. It is. Very strong. I love my husband and my daughter and would not trade either one of them! I can complain because they are my family. I have earned the right to complain! Just as they have earned the right to complain about me! Jeff and I are married "Till death do us part" and are committed to making our marriage work. That doesn't mean that I don't get irritated with him, we are living in the real world after all! I also love my daughter very much, and yes, some days she pushes me to the brink of insanity! (I'm teetering there anyway!) But do I ever regret our decision to adopt Alyssa? No Way! Not ever, not for one teeny, tiny second. That beautiful child, who has pushed every button I have and even some that I didn't know existed, has brought so much love, and so much joy to our home! She has made our lives complete and really made our house a home!

So, changes are being made in my home. Jeff and Alyssa have both agreed to distribute the chores evenly. They have both agreed to help with laundry even! So tonight, I will hold a class, Laundry 101, and make sure they both know what they are doing! I really think that they will both make an effort to help me more, because I really think blowing my gasket at Paulette's kinda surprised them! We will see.......

Anonymous Comments

2008-10-14T15:59:00.002-05:00

Anonymous said...: Your husband sounds like a whiny, immature slob. Dump him immediately. You can do better.

I no longer allow anonymous comments.

To the idiot that left this comment:
You are obviously not married or divorced. Yes, I complain about some of the things that my husband does or doesn't do. I am certain that I do things that drive him over the edge too!

Marriage is hard work! It takes commitment and compromise. My husband is my soul mate! He is my partner in life and the father of my child! How you presume to think he is a whiny, immature slob is beyond me.

So, going forward - no more anonymous comments! If you have something to say, say it! But don't say it behind my back, hiding behind anonymity! Have enough balls to say it to my face!

The Bitch

2008-10-14T10:19:00.002-05:00

We saw Paulette last night.

My issues hijacked the session.

I opened my mouth and out poured all my frustration, stress, and yes, I'll say it, anger. Add a ton of hurt feelings in there and you can imagine my mood!

I admit it. I have been feeling used and abused! I am so sick and tired of doing EVERYTHING in my house and I said so last night. I am sick to death of Jeff and Alyssa waltzing through life just dumping crap everywhere and assuming Mom will pick it up. I get no help and I am on the verge of giving up. Jeff does nothing around the house. Alyssa sees his terrible habits and falls in step right next to him! Can I get on her for leaving her stuff lay around when her Dad is setting such a crappy example?

I have allowed things to get too out of hand. Last night I drew the line. I demanded help! I am also demanding respect! I am sick and tired of being the mean Mom or the bitchy wife because I am telling them what to do! No more! Each one of us now have things we are responsible for each day. THEY WILL GET DONE! I am not doing everything, by myself, anymore.

I have made excuses and let things slide because it was just easier to do things myself. I take complete responsibility for that. But no more! We are at a point in our family when it is not just about survival anymore. Alyssa has made so much progress and our main goal is no longer just making it through the day. We are a family, and we are going to start acting like it!

I have some items to purchase to make the new program work smoother. Tonight, I will get everything in order and Wednesday we will have a family meeting and set the wheels in motion. I am getting my life back! I too deserve to have time to do the things that I enjoy doing! I deserve to have time to read a book, or scrapbook, or do a craft. I have not been able to do anything for myself in a really long time! And my husband has the nerve to say "Why do you always have to be a bitch?"

"Uh, sorry honey. You have no idea what a bitch is. BUT YOU WILL"!!!

The verdict is in...

2008-10-13T13:15:00.003-05:00

Well, it's Monday.

The weekend overall was great! Alyssa had a lot of problems on Saturday morning though. She had a bad case of the sillies and when I told her to knuckle down and get serious so that we could go, she blew a gasket. She got really whiny, very disrespectful, and just plain bratty. It took us a long while to get her calm enough to do her sit. She was able to tell us that she was excited about going to the Pumpkin Patch Festival. I don't think that is the whole reason. While improved overall, her behavior was a bit shaky at times. Her biggest problem over the weekend, and my biggest "button" is control. She is 9 years old and thinks she can rule the roost!

We see Paulette tonight! I'm glad. She is really able to get Alyssa to bring things to the surface. One week from today is our 2nd Anniversary. It has to be weighing on Alyssa's mind, but when I tried to talk to her about it, everything is fine! Paulette will be able to bring it out in the open. And then, like always, Alyssa will see that Mom & Dad are strong enough to handle ALL her feelings, and it won't be such an issue anymore.

The verdict is in! This year's Halloween Costume... DA Ta DA.........
HANNAH MONTANA!

Keep this picture in mind, I will post an actual picture of Alyssa in her costume after Halloween!

Thank God it's Friday

2008-10-10T10:14:00.004-05:00

Did you ever have one of those mornings when you wished you could get back in bed and start over?

I am having one of those days!

Alyssa was not at her finest this morning. She was tired! I knew it, she knew it. I was not at my finest this morning either.

I don't want to relive the play by play. I owe my daughter an apology! Regardless of her behavior this morning, mine was less than exemplary! I will leave you with our final comments as I dropped her off at school.

Alyssa: Well you made me late!

Me: I made you late? You were the one wasting time and putzing around! I did not make you late!

Alyssa: Well thanks for making me feel even better by yelling at me!

Me: You are most welcome! Love You!

Alyssa: Whatever!

You have to understand that while it doesn't look too bad on paper, the tone of voice that this was spoken in, NOT VERY NICE!!!

I hope she can get her mood turned around. I certainly was no help! Otherwise, she will probably flunk her spelling test, and I will have to accept partial blame for that. She knows the words, but her mood will get in the way!

I SUCK!

THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY.....

WEEKEND - HERE I COME!

Clear as Mud?

2008-10-09T12:00:00.003-05:00

I think I need to clarify my last post a little bit.

I want my daughter to be proud of who she is. I want her to be proud of her heritage.

Alyssa's school is very culturally diverse. My daughter has friends that are Asian, Mexican, Hmong, White, and Black. There culture is a part of who they are. But they have names. They are not the white girl, or the Asian girl or the Mexican girl. They are Allison, Natalie and (insert name here).

I want my daughter to be proud of the person she is. I want her to be proud that she is adopted, that she has a beautiful voice, that she is black.

I JUST DON'T WANT IT TO DEFINE HER!

Hope that makes a little more sense!

Just because we can!

2008-10-09T08:49:00.004-05:00

I have been thinking about this for a while now and have not known how to begin. So I guess I'll just begin. I hope it doesn't turn in to a rant. As you all know, Alyssa is bi-racial. Her bio dad was black and her bio mom is white. We adopted Alyssa knowing this - don't care, she is our daughter. What I don't understand is this. Why do we have to emphasize the fact that she is black. I have had some people lately telling me/asking me that I should teach her about her African heritage. I have had heritage camps suggested to me as well as celebrating Kwanzaa. I have really done a lot of soul searching and keep coming back to WHY??? Alyssa was born in this country! Right here in Wisconsin actually! Whey do we want to stress the fact that she is black? She knows that she is black. BUT and this is the most important point to me, she is part of our family! Do we want to stress the differences? Do we want to force her to celebrate holidays that she has never heard of or listen to African music, etc. just because she is black? Again, I say WHY??? We have talked to Alyssa about this. In her eyes, she is American just like everyone else. Yes her skin is darker than ours, but does that make her different? When we asked her what she thought of going to a heritage camp, she said, "Why, can't we go to a camp that has kids that are adopted?"

In her eyes, the color of her skin doesn't make her different. In her eyes, being adopted makes her different. Does that make sense? I don't want to become one of those fanatical adopted Moms that force her children to participate in "Heritage Awareness Days". It would be completely different if Alyssa would have been adopted from another country. Then I understand it. But just because she is black - NOT, it's just a color!

OK, I'm glad I got that off my chest.

We are going up north this weekend! Jeff and I talked last night and realized that we have gotten so caught up in the day to day stress of dealing with RAD and all that entails, that we have almost forgotten to stop and have fun as a family! So many activities get tied to behavior. IF you have good behavior, IF you get your chores done, IF, IF, IF! So, come Hell or high water, we are going to go up north this weekend and enjoy the fall color. We are going to the Pumpkin Patch Festival, the corn maze, and whatever else we feel like! We told Alyssa that she can invite a friend along, no strings attached! We are going to have fun this weekend, not because Alyssa has been doing good, not because we have accomplished goals, we are going to have fun this weekend just because we are a family and we can!

Update

2008-10-07T10:54:00.003-05:00

When I got home from work last night, my little poopsie was very apologetic and had made me a flower from Popsicle sticks. It was a very pleasant way to be greeted. We were able to talk about her attitude and she admitted that she thought that going to bed earlier was a good idea. Yes, that's right, Alyssa admitted that she needed more sleep!

Our 2 yr anniversary is coming up on October 20th. I think some of the behavior we have been seeing is because of this. Alyssa has been doing so good, but still has a big problem with sharing her feelings. I see her getting more quiet, and wanting to spend more time in her room. So, tonight, we are having a girls night! We are going to paint our nails, and maybe watch a movie. I am going to nonchalantly mention our anniversary and see if I get any kind of response. I think if I can get her to open up in a casual way, she will be more apt to talk about what she is feeling. Let's hope anyway!

This morning was still full of sass, but it was not disrespectful. Does that make sense? Alyssa was silly and sassy, but in a fun, playful sort of way. She told me that she is going to work very hard to improve her respectfulness. This was one of the traits that Paulette gave her to work on two sessions ago, and she is having some problems improving on this! So, we haven't gotten new ones yet. Still working on trust and respect. Alyssa says she is determined to improve so that she can get new traits next time.

I almost forgot to tell you! Last Friday, I had to bar tend. Alyssa was invited over to her friends house for dinner and Jeff was going to pick her up at 7:30pm because it would already be getting dark and he didn't want her walking home. Well, as usual, Alyssa was only listening with half an ear. She decided to walk home. OK, no problem, EXCEPT JEFF WASN'T HOME! He took advantage of Alyssa not being home and ran some errands and then stopped in by me for supper. So, when Alyssa gets home and Jeff wasn't there, she said she got scared. BUT, she totally did the right thing! She went to the neighbors and told them Jeff wasn't home. She couldn't remember Jeff's cell number, so she called the house phone and left a message for Jeff that she was at the neighbors. Jeff went to pick Alyssa up, she wasn't there, HE PANICKED! He got home, played the message from Alyssa, and went to the neighbors to pick her up. She was hanging out watching TV. Alyssa's comment was "Daddy yelled at me! Really loud!" Well yeah kid, you scared him half to death! So, all is well, Alyssa made very good choices when she got home and no one was there. She is having mandatory practice of cell phone numbers though. Jeff's panic could have been avoided if Alyssa would have called him. Next time, she will remember the number!

Tonight Alyssa has choir practice. They have their first concert coming up on October 25th. Alyssa seems to really be enjoying the choir. She thinks it is really cool that they are learning a song in Latin. I hope she sticks with it! This choir is a wonderful opportunity for voice training and forming good vocal habits!

Friday, Alyssa brings her violin home from school. I think I may have to buy some ear plugs! Jeff seems to be very excited and has promised me and Alyssa that he will be her practice buddy!

Stay tuned for further updates...........

WHATEVER!

2008-10-06T14:14:00.006-05:00

Our days of sunshine are over and I got my sass mouth back!

Oh yeah, and let's not forget the queen of control!

Our morning went something like this:

Me: Alyssa, it is time to get out of the shower.

Alyssa: I just got in here! Do you want me to get out before I even wash anything?

Me: Finish up, you have 5 minutes.

Alyssa: Well, if I'm not done, I'm not getting out! I just washed my hair! I have to wash my body! Do you want me to go to school stinking?

Me: (five minutes later) Alyssa, finish up, the water is going off! I have to get in their too!

Alyssa: OK (the water goes off)

Alyssa, then proceeds to putz and do everything in her power so that I can't get in the bathroom. I finally get really angry, tell her she is being inconsiderate, and tell her to get out of the bathroom - NOW!!!

Ayssa: YOU ARE THE MEANEST MOM! I CAN'T EVER GET READY, I ALWAYS HAVE TO GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM SO THAT YOU CAN GET IN! YOU ARE ALWAYS TELLING ME WHAT TO DO!

Me: Thanks for getting out of the bathroom sweetie!(As I am physically picking her up and putting her in her room).

I finally am able to get in the shower and get ready for work. Alyssa is putzing, gazing at herself in the mirror and arguing about everything!

Me: Let's go Alyssa, we are running late.

Alyssa: I'm walking!

Me: No, you are getting a ride. The neighbors already left!

Alyssa: So! I am old enough to walk to school by myself!

Me: Get in the car Alyssa!

Alyssa: FINE! As she is slamming the door and stomping her feet!!!

Me: Starting tonight, some things are changing. You will once again be going to bed at 8:00. You obviously aren't getting enough sleep when you go to bed at 8:30. From now on, you need to be in the shower by 6:30am. If you are not, no shower! I will once again be doing your hair in the morning as you have shown Mom that you can't handle the responsibility!

I will leave you with Alyssa's response that continued ALL the way to school!

Alyssa: YOU TREAT ME LIKE A BABY! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD REALLY MAKE ME GO TO SCHOOL WITH NO SHOWER! MAYBE I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE DOING MY HAIR TODAY, DID YOU EVER THINK OF THAT? EVERYTHING ALWAYS HAS TO BE YOUR WAY! DO THIS, DO THAT! THAT'S ALL I EVER HEAR! YOU JUST WANT A PERFECT DAUGHTER! I AM NOT ALLOWED TO EVER MAKE A MISTAKE! NOW, JUST GO TO BED EARLY! THAT WAY YOU DON'T HAVE TO SPEND ANY TIME WITH ME!

Me:(as I pull up in front of school) Have a good day honey. I Love You!

Alyysa: Yeah, WHATEVER!

OMG - the sass! Is this control issues or is this normal 4th grade girl behavior? Let me tell you, IT IS NOT NICE!!!

Prayer Request

2008-10-03T15:44:00.001-05:00

Please pray for my friend Lisa and her daughter "J". They are going through a really rough patch and could use your prayers!

Thanks!

Random Thoughts

2008-10-03T09:51:00.004-05:00

Following: This new feature on blogger is awesome! Leigh helped me figure it out and when Torina mentioned it in her blog it made me realize that I am already taking it for granted. So, if you are reading my blog, please say hi and follow me! I would love to know who is reading my blog.

Readers: I have readers from all over. WAY COOL! I am begging - please say hi! Also, if you have any questions regarding RAD or need advice, or are just curious about anything, please ask. I will be happy to answer your questions!

Blogging: I am finding it very hard to find things to blog about! Alyssa is in such a good place right now that I almost feel bad blogging about it. So many of my cyber friends are struggling and having a tough time that I feel guilty bragging - yes bragging, about how well Alyssa is doing. I also don't want to jinx it! On one hand, I want everyone to know that healing is possible! I also want everyone to know that I was once where you are now. I have felt the fear and the hopelessness that Alyssa's heart would never heal. I know what you are going through. When I was in that dark place and scared half to death, I had my cyber friends, Lisa in particular, giving me advice, praying for me, and just being supportive. That's how I survived my low spots!

I don't want my real life friends to feel bad. They love me unconditionally and have supported me with love and laughter, and occasionally, respite! Thanks Tammy! But, they have never raised a child with RAD. They don't know what it is really like. Don't get me wrong, they ask questions, understand the importance of following the rules we have in place, and support us in every way possible. BUT, while they understand the importance of doing what we do, they really don't understand it. Not like all of you! Blogging gives me the opportunity to express my joys, my fears, and my hopes while not being judged, and really understood by the people that read me. I have tried to explain this to Tammy, I think she would really benefit from blogging. I think it would help her to connect to other Mothers that are living with grief. It would help her to connect to other people that really get it. I have lost both my parents, I understand grief and loss, but I have never lost a daughter(and God willing I never will!) so I do not understand the grief a Mother feels. Blogging gives you that connection. It can help your heart to heal!

Finally, I am going to leave you with some random fall pictures. They are from 2 years ago, our first Halloween with Alyssa. October 20th, it will be 2 years that we have been a family. My how she has grown!

A Normal Kid

2008-09-30T12:26:00.004-05:00

We had a wonderful weekend!

The highlights:

Getting ready to go to the zoo Saturday morning, Jeff somehow??? gashed his head open getting out of the shower. Blood everywhere - you know how head wounds bleed. Got him cleaned off and bandaged up. Nasty headache!

AWESOME day at the zoo! The weather was beautiful, Alyssa was perfectly behaved. Asked to push Cindy's wheelchair and was accepting of my decision to not let her anymore after Cindy almost went sailing down a hill! When Cindy is in a wheelchair there is never a dull moment!

Saturday night I had lots of help getting food prepared for Alyssa's baptism. It sure is nice that Leigh is able to drive now. She ended up being the gopher, running to the store for forgotten items. We got to bed by eleven and I slept right through the alarm the next morning!

Sunday morning we had 5 people that needed to shower and get ready for church - all in one bathroom! Surprisingly, we all were ready to go on time! Alyssa decided that she wanted to leave her hair curly instead of straightening it. And she wanted it "up". This was great for me, as it took a whole 10 minutes to do her hair. If I would have had to straighten it, it would have taken at least an hour!

We got to church early, as planned, so that we would be there to greet our guests. I have never been more proud of Alyssa! She was respectful, talked to everyone, and made all our guests feel welcome in our church! Pastor Joe has even since asked if our family would be greeters at church on a regular basis! Pastor Joe got carried away with the water during the baptism and poor Alyssa got absolutely soaked! She had water running down her nose, her neck, her entire face was covered in water, and water was running down the side of the baptismal fount. Alyssa just stood there and let Pastor Joe scrub her face with a handkerchief. She never complained or fussed, just stood there and let him dry her off! At the end of the service, Pastor had Alyssa walk out of church with him so that the congregation could all congratulate her. He made her feel so special!

When we arrived home, Alyssa was the perfect hostess. She asked our guests if they would like something to drink. She cleared plates away, she passed out cake. She made a point of talking to and spending time with each one of our guests. She opened her gifts and read each card out loud. She thanked each person for the gift and made them feel very special!

I was so proud!

Last night we saw Paulette. She let Alyssa give the update on how she was doing, and then looked to us for confirmation. Alyssa was dead on in her report. She said that even though she was doing OK, there was still room for improvement! She needed to work harder on being respectful because we deserved her respect! Paulette was impressed!

I know that the path of RAD is a bumpy one, and filled with lots of hills. But I am going to enjoy this growth by my daughter and hope that the bumps are small and the hills not too steep! The most important thing that I am going to remember is that Alyssa really wants to get better. She wants to be a family girl and she wants to have friends. Most of all, she just wants to be a normal kid!

Team Evans

2008-09-25T10:29:00.003-05:00

I am happy to announce that we have had an uneventful week so far!

I KNOW!

We have a busy weekend coming up! Saturday, we are going to MS Family Day at the Zoo. Cindy invited us and we are really excited. I haven't been to the zoo in like 8 years! We are really excited!

Then on Sunday, Miss Alyssa is going to be baptized. I still have to finish altering her dress. I am lucky I found one. An appropriate baptismal gown for a 9 year old child is no easy find! I ended up finding a first communion dress on clearance! It fit pretty good except the arms were way too tight! So I have been ripping out seams and very discretely adding material. I just have to finish off the seams and I am done! Alyssa seems very excited about the baptism and understands what it means.

I have to publicly say that I am very proud of my daughter's behavior this week. There have been a few minor moments, but for the most part, she has pitched in and helped without being asked, done more than what we have asked her to do, and really just having a great attitude! She has just wanted to be a part of "Team Evans". No motives, no agendas, nothing fake. Just a smile and willingness (and genuine desire) to be part of the team!

Why we love children ...

2008-09-24T12:05:00.001-05:00

1) NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year -old shout fr om the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

2) OPINIONS On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'

3) KETCHUP A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting
the bottle.'

4) MORE NUDITY A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'Wh at's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy
before?'

5) POLICE # 1 While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I
answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?

6) POLICE # 2 It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked. 'It sure is,' I replied puzzled. The boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'
7)
ELDERLY While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned
and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

8) DEATH While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)

9) SCHOOL A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'

10) BIBLE A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. 'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out. 'What have you got there, dear?'

With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'

NOW IF THIS DIDN'T BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY, GO BACK TO BED AND FORGET IT.

My friend Jackie just emailed this to me. I had to share!

I need your help!

2008-09-24T09:46:00.002-05:00

I have been asked to participate in a Survey for parents raising children with RAD. This survey is being done by the Children's Service Society, a division of Children's Hospital. The supervisor for the agency that placed Alyssa is now working there and thought of us when the survey came up.

The goal of this survey, is to find out from parents, what needs to improve! How exciting is that? So I am asking all of you:

What are your biggest problems/concerns/issues, in raising your RAD child?

I will try to incorporate your responses in my survey.

Oh, you guys will love this. Children's Service Society said that they thought they would have a hard time getting people to participate in this survey. Not the case! Of all the people they have approached, no one has declined! I said well duh! If we can help educate people about RAD and maybe get programs in place that will help - why would we turn that down?

I'll keep you all posted as I find out more!

My cup overfloweth!

2008-09-22T14:47:00.005-05:00

Saturday was a busy, busy day. Petek's had their 9th Annual fund raiser/brat fry for Special Olympics. I sold raffles all day. I had the opportunity to talk to a lot of people. A lot of people so grateful for what Petek's was doing. I got to talk to the Dad of one particular athlete that was proudly displaying the metals that he had won in track. This Dad made me cry! I know, not that it takes alot! But this Dad, was so grateful that this brat fry happened year after year. This Dad was amazed that year after year, we kept giving and trying to make it bigger and better. This Dad was at this benefit, spending his money, helping us raise money to give back to those that help him in so many ways. I am choked up just thinking about it! To be able to talk about this event and include myself by saying "we" is an honor and a privilege! I am proud to be able to count myself among the volunteers. I am proud to be able to say that I played a small part in the success of the brat fry. The generosity of the community that came and bought burgers, or beer, or raffle tickets, or donated items before the event makes me proud that I live in this community. That I am able to call all the people involved with this event my friends - Priceless!

Sunday, our church kicked off it's 100th birthday celebration. The Men of Harmony performed during the service and it was an uplifting experience! My heart was filled with the love of God and I was truly inspired!

I have been feeling really low lately. Feeling kind of sorry for myself, I guess. I've been missing my parents, missing Jeff's mom, and really feeling bad that Alyssa never got to meet her Grandparents. My own self pity on top of the stress that goes along with having Jeff for a husband and Alyssa for a daughter, well lets just say my cup was pretty empty.

Even though my weekend was a busy one, it was so rewarding! The feeling you get when you give to others is so incredibly awesome! My cup has definitely been refilled!

Dice starts tonight! Yeah! This is my bi-weekly girls night out! I can't wait!

Oh and even though I thought I knew who my San Diego reader was, I had it confirmed. Hi Jeanie!!!

Let's see, what else? Oh, you probably want to hear about Alyssa, considering this blog is supposed to be about raising a child with RAD. Well, if I tell you that I have nothing significant to report, will you all understand the success of just having a normal weekend? Even with all of our commitments, Alyssa was responsible, respectful, and fun to be with! I was so proud of her in church yesterday when she volunteered to help a girl in a wheelchair! Alyssa's response to me? Well geeze Mom, I just helped her with the elevator, what's the big deal? The big deal is, to you, she is just another kid! Alyssa didn't get it! But I'm sure you guys do. My little Radish is healing. I really wish that every single one of you gets the opportunity to see how that feels!

Oh, and one more thing...My Packers lost! I am sooooooooooo sad!

Much Better

2008-09-19T11:47:00.002-05:00

Wow do I feel better!

It is amazing how good if feels to just get everything off your chest. After blogging yesterday, I decided to again talk to Jeff. I talked(vented actually) to him for a good solid 30 min. I really think he may have got it! He first let me rant, then he asked what he could do to make my days easier, and then he promised to try harder.

I really can't ask for more. I love my family, I really do. Sometimes I just get tired and I need to vent.

We have a busy weekend coming up. I work tonight at the bar and tomorrow is our fund raiser for Special Olympics. Alyssa is excited because she gets to spend the whole day with Cody. I look forward to the Special Olympics brat fry every year because you get to see so many people you normally don't see. Jeanie is home from CA even! Last year we raised over $6,000. This year we hope to increase that amount. It is a lot of hard work for everyone, and a really long day, but so totally worth it and tons of fun to boot!

Sunday our church is having the kick off to it's 100th anniversary celebration, and then we will get to watch my beloved Packers beat Dallas! GO PACK!!!

Lastly, please pray for my friend Lisa. Her mother is ill and could use every one's prayers.

Vent!

2008-09-18T13:12:00.003-05:00

After Monday's behaviors, I thought we had a good plan in place for when Alyssa had feelings to share. Well, apparently not! Another lovely morning in our house had me on the verge of running away. I allowed Alyssa to get to me! She pushed and pushed and finally pushed me right over the edge! I finally literally walked her out the door and placed her in the car. I drove her to school, pulled up in front, and said "Get Out!" Never said I love you, have a good day, nothing but a disdainful "I hope your attitude gets better!".

I SUCK!

Please don't yell at me! Please don't tell me that I have to remain calm and loving. I know all that. I can usually attain that. But not today. Today I'm just tired and I've had enough!

I better back up. I have been asking for help around the house for a while now. Let me just stop right here and make it very clear that I love my husband and my daughter, BUT... So anyway, I have been up late for the last few weeks, trying to get stuff done, trying to stay on top of things while my husband and daughter either plunk their butts in front of the TV or go off and play or whatever! Then my darling Jeff has the balls to tell me that I'm nagging and I should quit telling him what to do! Then when I told Alyssa to finish up her chores that I assigned her on Monday, she starts whining and caring on about how she wanted to play. This was the last straw!
I pulled her into the living room where Jeff was, turned off the TV, and let them have it with both barrels. It went kind of like this:

What is it exactly that makes you both think that you don't have to do anything around this house? Do you think it is MY job to do everything? Do you think it is fair that I am working from the time I get up in the morning, till the time I go to bed, while you two are relaxing and enjoying yourselves? Jeff interrupts here with "Make a list and it will get done". Make a list, why do I have to make a list? Can't you see what needs to be done? I look around this house and I can see hundreds of things that need to be done! Have you no pride in your home? Just as I said this, Alyssa took the newspaper and put it on the floor 'cause it was in her way. I said, what makes you think that it is OK to put the paper on the floor? Do you think its OK to toss stuff wherever because it is in your way? Alyssa responds with "Well Daddy does it!" Yeah, Daddy does it. Doesn't mean it's OK. I then continued, Do you not care what our house looks like? Jeff says, "Of course we do". I respond by saying, "Then why is the towel that you used to clean gas up with LAST week, still laying in the driveway?" No response. Ultimatum delivered. Either I get help or I am going on strike! They both jumped up and got to work. I ran to the store. When I got home, they had their 1 chore completed and were on the couch. God forbid that you do more than 1.

So, I was ticked off from last night. Then to get the attitude out of Alyssa this morning - too much! I could really relate to Heather's post. Some days it just becomes too much. I agree with Heather. Tomorrow I will return to the role of warrior. I will slay dragons, wipe tears, and clean my house, all with a smile on my face and love in my eyes.

Today, I am going to be pissed off, and cranky, and ornery. And I am going to make sure that my family understands that I am serious and that I deserve to be appreciated for what I do. No more slackers, no more excuses. Everyone is going to do equal work! And if they don't? This Mom is going to have a nice long vacation in the local looney bin!!!

Ups and Downs

2008-09-16T11:20:00.005-05:00

The party was a huge success! Alyssa was a wonderful hostess. She welcomed each of her guests and made sure that she introduced everyone to each other. Most of the kids were school friends, but a couple were kids of family friends. And they didn't know anyone else. Alyssa made sure she spent time with each of her guests and encouraged everyone to hang together.

I was very proud of Alyssa and told her many times throughout the night. She received some really nice gifts, and did a good job of making each girl feel good about the gift they chose. She had one small snafu when she opened a gift and it was a shirt that she already had. She let it slip that she already had it but when I glared daggers at her, she quickly covered with "But now I have 2 and won't wait for Mom to wash it before I can wear it again - I Love that shirt!" The little girl went from frowning to smiling, so I guess Alyssa said the right thing! Other than that one slip, the night was awesome!

We let Alyssa invite one friend to sleep over after the party and of course she chose K. Those 2 kids decided to build a fort. They had every blanket in the house piled in the living room, and stuff scattered as far as the eye could see! I gave up the fight at 1:00am and went to bed. I was told in the morning that the girls finally went to sleep at 3:00! They did a good job of cleaning up their mess in the morning and then K had to go home.

Alyssa was sad, but appropriate in her emotions. We ran some errands and decided to have a movie night because it was raining and icky outside. We watched two movies and then I shipped Alyssa off to bed. I FINALLY got to see 27 Dresses! I say finally because I have rented this movie 3 times already and never had a chance to actually watch it! It was definitely worth the wait.

Sunday was a pretty normal day for us. Sunday school, church, and the Packer game. Packers won - YEAH!!!

Monday morning, all hell broke loose in our house.Alyssa was bound and determined to self sabotage her day.My concern is this. While trying to use the tools that Paulette has given us, (I was using the 1, 2, 3 warning, basically counting to three and if her attitude didn't stop, she would have a predetermined consequence) and Alyssa actually threatened to call the police and tell them that I threatened her and I'm mean! I got angry! As it was, I told her to go ahead and explained what would happen if they thought she was telling the truth! I actually asked her if she wanted to go back to a foster home. I know, me bad! I then handed her the phone and asked her if she still wanted to call. I guess she changed her mind. Her attitude or should I say outright defiance, was off the charts! I also got an email from her teacher saying she disrupted Math testing and needed to stay in at recess! I was concerned at the level of defiance and also her threat to call the police so I emailed Paulette for advice. This was her response:

Wow--what a morning! How interesting that it comes after such a good weekend. It sounds like you

handled it as best you could. Do you think Mondays and the transition from the weekend is generally

a difficult thing for Alyssa? Also, remember that kids who have the history that Alyssa has can unconsciously

undermine positive experiences--like they don't deserve them--or that they won't happen again anyway--so they

do things to control when they go bad!

In terms of what to do: first off, just breathe and stay regulated yourself for

starts. When the time is right for you and her emotionally this afternoon or evening I think I would try

to gently explore what she thinks made today so difficult for her after such a good weekend.

What got her so off track? She might have some thoughts to offer on this, or not. You might pose some

of your own thoughts to her if you have some about what might have triggered such a reaction. (Was she

worrying about the math testing? or some other worry related to school?)

You might then try what I call some collaborative problem solving together. Acknowledge both hers and

your own concerns (hers may just be "I want to stay in bed" but it's still her concern)

about the morning time and how things go, then ask her if she has any ideas to

take care of the problem, then you can offer some of your own ideas and see if the two of you

can come up with a solution together that can work for both of you to make your mornings go better.

Try to move forward from this morning. I wouldn't focus on trying to come up with consequences for her

behavior this morning, but would focus more on coming up with a solution to work together better in the future.

Offer confidence and encouragement that you have solved other problems together and that there are no problems

too big for all of you to figure out together.

Paulette's response allowed me to put Alyssa's behavior into perspective. I couldn't get past Alyssa saying she was going to call the police. I called Jeff and told him what Paulette's response was and he said he would talk to her after school.They had their talk, and Alyssa admitted that she was thinking about her old family and missing them. Jeff and Alyssa made a pact that Alyssa would talk about her feelings before her attitude took over. She apologized profusely when I got home from work and Jeff said she was crying real tears, so I think it was sincere. She attacked her chores (consequences) with gusto, and even did extra stuff just to help out the family.

This morning was much better. Not perfect, but we left the house on time and no tears were shed!Tonight we have a meeting for Alyssa's choir and then she will be finishing up her chores. My windows are really dirty, so I think I'll let her clean them!

It's Party Time!

2008-09-12T09:08:00.003-05:00

Alyssa's birthday party is tonight! She is so excited but also really nervous! She passed out 20 invitations and 18 kids are able to come! Last night we went to Walmart and purchased items for the gift bags for her guests. Alyssa made very good suggestions and smart choices regarding price, and types of items for the gift bags. She became very quiet, and when we were back in the car, I asked her if she was getting tired. She looked at me and said "Mom, you are spending a lot of money on my party. Why?" I told her that every little girl deserved to feel special on her birthday, and just because she had a summer birthday, she should still get to have a party! Her response to me was "Mom, you make me feel special every day!" I just about cried!

She continued to be very quiet, but once we got home, she pitched in and together we got all her gift bags made up and everything ready for the party. We finished about 2 minutes prior to her bedtime so she rushed to get her pajamas on and her teeth brushed. She asked if she could lay in bed and watch 15 minutes of TV. I said OK because I figured she needed some time to unwind. When her 15 minutes were up, I went into her room to kiss her goodnight and tuck her in. She asked for a story. The rule is if you get to stay up late, no story. Well, let me tell you, she pitched a fit! Started wailing and crying, so totally fake, you know? I just said "I love you"! and walked out of the room.

Not 2 minutes later, she got up, asked to go to the bathroom, and came and apologized for her behavior. I tucked her back into bed, and told her that I knew why she just pitched a fit, and did she want to know? She said yes. So I told her that while she was really excited for her party, a part of her felt like she didn't deserve it, so she was going to prove that she didn't. She looked at me with utter shock and said, "You're Right!" She then looked at me and declared (in a very exasperated tone of voice) "I HATE that! You are ALWAYS right!" HeHeHe, chalk one up for Mom!

This morning, very clingy, very nervous! But, she was being appropriate in her nervousness. She told me she had a bad dream last night. No one showed up for her party! I assured her that everyone would show up. My daughter has really worked on her friendship skills and made a lot of friends and is actually quite popular! She has certainly come a long way!

Now, all we have to do is get through the party with no one breaking anything! (Her party is at a Roller Skating rink). Wish us luck!

Trust and Respect

2008-09-11T10:27:00.003-05:00

Last night we had therapy. I wanted to share some of the awesome suggestions (and homework) that Paulette gave us.

We have seen a real shift in our therapy sessions. When we first started seeing Paulette, the sessions were very traumatic and our goal was getting major behavior issues under control. Now that the major behaviors are under control, our focus has shifted to more specific issues. Last night, Paulette read Alyssa a book about personality traits. (The title was something about cookies, but I can't remember what it is). Alyssa was told that each trait that Paulette read, she should list either in a "Doing Well" column or a "Need to Work on" column. Based on Alyssa's list, we chose two traits that we were going to work on in the next two weeks. The first trait was "Trustworthy". The book explained "trustworthy" as if I ask you to hold my cookie, when I come back, my cookie will still be there. So Alyssa is to make a poster with the word "Trustworthy" on the top. Each time Jeff and I "catch" her being trustworthy, we draw a cookie on the poster and write a one word description of what we "caught" her doing. For example, this morning I asked Alyssa if she put deodorant on. She started to lie, but then caught herself and admitted she forgot. I congratulated her for being trustworthy and got to put a cookie on her poster! WAY COOL! Alyssa was very excited to see that first cookie!

The second trait we decided to work on was respect. Again, Alyssa made a poster with the word "Respect" on the top. When you show respect to people, yourself, and your things, it makes people happy. So every time we "catch" her showing respect, we will put a smiley face on her poster with a one word description. She seems really excited about this so hopefully it will make her more aware of how her words and actions affect other people.

I have to say that Paulette seems to have an unending bag of tricks. This latest homework project is really going to make Alyssa think. The coolest thing is that in Alyssa's mind, it is fun and almost like a game!

Just wanted to mention that whenever you are dealing with attachment issues, the rule is always "You need to have an attachment therapist". I don't necessarily agree with this. In my mind, an attachment therapist is someone who is trained in a specific "camp". For instance, either trained with Nancy Thomas, Daniel Hughes, Bryan Post, etc. These people do intensive therapy and only treat with one style. I have always recommended to people that they search for a therapist that specializes in adoption and trauma. Like Paulette. These therapists understand attachment disorders. They read EVERYTHING that is available about attachment. They suggest techniques and treatments based on a multitude of "camps". They are not afraid to try techniques from various philosophies and they are very hands on. They work with the family as a team and develop a strategy that works for the individual child. I think that the most important thing to look for when choosing a therapist is 1) The therapist does not meet with the child alone and 2) The therapist is willing to try various strategies and 3) The therapist is someone that you TRUST!

Back to our homework. Alyssa told Jeff & I that she is determined to fill up both posters before we see Paulette again. Awesome goal! I think she is going to work real hard to achieve it!

Feelings

2008-09-10T10:18:00.002-05:00

Last night, we avoided a melt down. How? I caught the signals. We were just getting ready to walk out the door, we had some errands to run, when the phone rang. It was Alyssa's friend. K had another friend over, C, and had called to say hi. I heard Alyssa say to K, can I come over? Well K immediately said yes, and then Alyssa turned to ask me. Being such an observant Mom, I realized that in such a short span of time, there is no possible way that K had OK'd this with her Mom. I told Alyssa that K had to ask her Mom, and if it was OK with her Mom, then she could play. Well, K asked her Mom, and the answer was no. Only one friend over at a time!

We finally got into the car to get our errands done, and I notice Alyssa is sucking her thumb. I asked her if it tasted good and she snarled at me! I didn't say anything further and changed the subject. A little bit later, Alyssa is still sucking her thumb and we meet up with Jeff who is in his truck, also trying to get his errands done. He is in the lane next to us and beeps his horn. When Alyssa turns her head, YUP you see it coming don't you, Jeff sticks his thumb in his mouth and pretends to be sucking his thumb. Unbeknown to Jeff, his teasing set off a ticking time bomb! Alyssa started amping up for a good blow! I immediately asked her what was bothering her? Of course, she said nothing! But then I said, well if nothing is wrong, why are you sucking your thumb? Her response? "'Cause I LIKE it!" I then told her that I thought she was sucking her thumb because she was sad that she couldn't go to K's house. BINGO!!! Alyssa whipped her head around and looked at me like I had just appeared out of nowhere! She was shocked to realize that was exactly how she was feeling and further shocked that I had figured it out!!! Her shocked silence gave me the opportunity to remind her that it is OK to have feelings and it is also OK if she can't identify those feelings. Mom & Dad are here to help her figure them out. By the time we got home and Jeff got home, Alyssa was back in a good place. She even made the comment as she was sweeping the floor (punishment for being disrespectful), you know Mom, if I would have talked to you right away, I wouldn't have had to sweep the floor! AAAAAHAAAAA!!! The light bulb comes on!

Just a side note: We do not torture or tease our daughter in an attempt to ridicule her. She has asked us that when we see her sucking her thumb, we say something. She does it out of habit, and half the time doesn't even realize she is sucking on it! It usually happens when she is really tired or stressed out about something. My asking her if her thumb tastes good or Jeff sucking on his own thumb, are usually a gentle reminder that she is doing it! She really doesn't want to suck her thumb anymore 'cause you know Mom, I'm in fourth grade now!

Packers 24, Vikings 19: Total team effort!

2008-09-09T13:18:00.004-05:00

I am a Packer FAN! I admit that the world stops every week so that we can watch the game! I am passionate about my team! I was a fan when they barely won a game. I harassed Torina because she is a Viking fan, but in my defense, she started it! I must admit that the whole Brett Favre saga this summer saddened me a great deal. It reminded me that football is no longer a team sport, it is a business! "The Love of the Game" doesn't mean the same as what it did 20 years ago, and "For the Good of the Team" is a non existent phrase. Now it seems that players play tough to fill their own pocket and pad their own stats! That part of the game I definitely do not like. But back to my Packers....... My heart hurt not to see Brett at the helm. But I was very relieved that Aaron had a decent showing. I'm hoping that we can improve on the mistakes and continue to be a team to contend with.

And for all you Vikings Fans................. NAA NAA NA BOO BOO!!!!!!

GO PACK!!!

The Bestest Mom in the Whole World

2008-09-08T16:26:00.003-05:00

Just wanted to post real quick today to thank everyone for their comments! We talked to Alyssa on Saturday and was able to have a real heart to heart to heart! Jeff and I decided that in the overall scheme of things, Alyssa deserved her party - she had earned it! So, I apologized for taking it away, Alyssa apologized for being disrepectful, and the party is back ON! So, now I'm the Bestest Mom in the Whole World!

World's Most Rotten Mom

2008-09-05T14:32:00.003-05:00

I spoke too soon!

Since Alyssa has a summer birthday, we gave her the choice this year of having a summer party or waiting to have her party until school started so her school friends could come. She opted to wait for school to start.

Well, school started so she has been asking when she can have her party. I called and got information about roller skating because that is what she wants to do. I told her last night that she could have her party next Friday and we needed to go and buy the invitations so that she could get them out. So we are walking into Walmart and she is going on and on about how she hopes that they have "High School Musical" invitations, and she wants to have a "High School Musical" theme party, yada, yada, yada. Any way, we walk into Walmart and stop in the personal hygiene area to pick up new tooth brushes, etc. Well Alyssa starts tossing stuff in the cart! I warned her to stop - TWICE! Then we head over to pick up the invitations. I look, and sure enough, "High School Musical". I pull them down and show them to Alyssa except now she has decided that she maybe wants "Hannah Montana" or Tinker Bell, or ...you get the idea. I put the "High School Musical" in the cart and warned her again to get her attitude under control. This was number THREE.

We then head over to socks and under wear section. She has grown out of both! I told Alyssa that I would pick out some underwear for her to choose from and she should pick out some socks. She walks over to the socks, grabs white socks(with out even looking to see if they would fit, and by the way she has a whole drawer full of white socks, she needed new dress socks) and tosses them in the cart. Then she walks over to me, grabs the underwear out of my hands, says "these are good" and tosses them in the cart. I warned her again(this would be number FOUR) about her attitude and reminded her what we were buying. She got the sass and the head shake attitude and I warned her again. Yes, I am an idiot, this was number FIVE! Well, she sassed again and I snapped! I grabbed her hand and leaving the cart sit in the middle of the aisle, marched her sassy butt right out of Walmart. I marched her into the car, drove her home, and put her to bed!

While this was going on I proceeded to lecture her regarding respect, being grateful, and appreciative. And just to make sure I won the "World's Most Rotten Mom" award, I cancelled her birthday party!

Now I can just hear what most of you are thinking: She went too far, she lost the detachment, she wasn't dealing in a calm manner. You can save it! I know everything you are thinking! I blew it! And now I need your advice. Do I let her have her party? She earned that party over the summer by being responsible. I feel like a shit for taking it away! Her attitude is because of back to school, I know it is. Do I have the party? Do I postpone the party until next month? Do I cancel it all together? Comments, PLEASE!

On one hand, I do believe her apology was sincere. She accepted that she lost her party because of HER behavior. She never once blamed it on me. But on the other hand, her attitude did not get any better. This morning she was still my BRAT baby full of nothing but sass!

A Sick Kid and Rose Colored Glasses

2008-09-04T12:56:00.004-05:00

I'm back! We have had a long week! I took the day off on Friday so that I could spend the day with Alyssa before school started up again. We had an awesome day. We really didn't do anything exciting, just ran some errands and got stuff ready to go up north. The most exciting part for Alyssa was getting her hair cut. She asked how short she could get it cut and was very surprised when I told her she could do whatever she wanted as long as she was prepared to live with the consequences. I really stressed that her hair would look different curly than it did straight. Well, she decided on a short bob! It is really cute!!! But it is short! She can't even get it back in a pony tail. The important thing is that she likes it!!!

After the haircut, we were packing up to go up north. Alyssa complained of a headache. I told her to lay down and rest while Jeff & I finished packing up the truck. Well we got loaded up and headed out of town. About 10 minutes into the trip, Alyssa complained that she still had a headache and her throat hurt too. I looked at her throat and it was very red so I had Jeff stop at a gas station and I went in for some cough drops. Alyssa napped all the way to the trailor and said she felt better. It was short lived. By the time I had the groceries put away, Alyssa was back from the park and didn't feel good. She curled up on the couch and watched a movie until she went to bed.

Saturday morning, Alyssa woke up crying. Her throat was raw, she was running a fever, and she felt "crappy". I took her in to the urgent care clinic where they took her temperature(103.2), did a throat culture, and wrote her a prescription for an antibiotic. Yup, you guessed it, Strep throat!
She was also extremely dehydrated so he suggested Pedialyte. We were able to keep her temp down to 100 with Motrin and Tylenol, but it spiked to 103.8 at its highest point. Saturday was a long, long day(and night)!

Sunday morning, Alyssa felt much better. Her fever had dropped and her aches went away. She was still feeling "crappy", but wanted to do something. It was so hot that we decided to go for a boat ride. That was the best decision ever. We drove around for a while, and then parked on a sand bar and played ball in the water. We had some snacks and just enjoyed a lazy day. We headed off the lake around supper time. What a great way to spend a hot day!

Monday was another enjoyable day! Very hot once again(in the 90's). We decided to pack up early so we could get home and make sure Alyssa was settled down for the transition back to school. She started complaining again about her throat being really sore again, and her attitude took a dive south! She had a big meltdown when I told her she couldn't wear her new clothes. It was supposed to be 90 again on Tuesday and all her new stuff was for cooler weather. We had her do a strong sit and she seemed better...for a while. All of a sudden she started crying, then screaming, and then hitting! She was so ANGRY! Come to find out, her throat was so incredibly sore that she was feeling miserable, and angry at me because I wasn't making her feel better! She was also starting to get the back to school nerves and she melted! I finally got to look in her throat and take her temp. Her entire throat was covered in fever blisters and her temp was back up to 101. I got her settled down, pumped full of meds and finally to sleep. I told Jeff that I full expected her to still be sick in the morning and miss school.

Tuesday morning arrived. Alyssa was still sick, and still not eating! She INSISTED on going to school! She made it 1 hour. I took her back in to the doctor and found out that she was dehydrated again! We spent the rest of the day pushing fluids and by about 4:00 she was feeling much better! She was even able to eat some dinner!

Wednesday she was off to school and had no problems all day. I think she is finally on the road to recovery. You know my kid is sick when she turns down ice cream for dinner!

This morning, she was back in slow motion mode, but I was able to talk her out of it. If this is the worst of her back to school attitude, this is nothing! Last year, I was pulling her out of bed and threatening to send her to school in her pajamas(I say threaten because I only had to do it once!). Last year I was being screamed at, hit, ignored, etc. This year, all I'm getting is some sass and attitude - PROGRESS!!!

I want to make a follow up comment to the comments on my last post. I must admit that I went into adoption with rose colored glasses. I blame the foster care system, namely the social workers that are trying to place kids. They sugar coat everything in an attempt to be able to close a case. I can understand their position. But, and this is a big butt! Educate your foster parents and adoptive parents. Be honest about the issues that they will face! I read somewhere that like 80% of kids in the foster care system have some type of attachment issues. Give the parents the resources and the tools that they need to be educated and truly in a position to help these kids! I am not trying to scare anyone away from raising these kids, but isn't it better to back out BEFORE you have the ability to further damaged an already traumatized child? I urge each and every one of you to contact your local foster care agency and offer to educate their foster parents about attachment. They will probably say no, but keep pushing. Education is the key to making sure the rose colored glasses come off and stay off!

Lazy People

2008-08-28T15:23:00.003-05:00

I'm probably going to get myself into a lot of trouble here, but I can't help it! I frequent a couple of online support groups for parents of RAD kids. I have found so much support there and the parents have helped me a great deal. That said, I read a post this morning from a mom who has given up and written off her NINE YEAR OLD DAUGHTER and was begging someone to give her information on residential facilities. When this woman was asked about therapy and techniques she has used, she listed all traditional therapies, which if you know anything about RAD, you know that traditional therapy doesn't work. She was unwilling to even consider attachment parenting or techniques and had basically tossed her nine year old daughter to the wolves saying she was too badly damaged!

I was so outraged by this "mother's" statement(and I use the term mother here very loosely) that I had to immediately exit the forum because I was afraid of what I would say. How can anyone say that they love there child and in the next breath say that there is no hope and they are too badly damaged and the only option is residential!

WHAT A CROCK!!!!!

My opinion is this. This woman had a fairy tale picture in her mind of what adoption was going to be like. When the child refused to conform to this picture the child became damaged beyond repair and beyond hope. BULL! This woman didn't want to do the work! She didn't want to put in the blood, sweat and tears needed to help her daughter!

I KNOW IT IS HARD! I live it every day! But it is so worth it! If you are committed to your child's healing, they can get better! And when you see that glimmer of the child they can be? Your heart is even more determined to stay the course.

So there is my rant for today! I get so angry at lazy people. And in my mind, this woman was LAZY!!!

Damn! Internet

2008-08-27T15:59:00.003-05:00

My internet has been down all day!

I now have 29 minutes in which to get done 6 hours of work. Not going to happen.

I will post my Wednesday wish list and blog more tomorrow!

Wishful Wednesday

I wish that my internet provider would be more reliable!
I wish that I could be a stay at home Mom!
I wish that all my cyber friends will have a successful back to school transition.

Do you know what day it is?

2008-08-26T12:31:00.003-05:00

Last night, we were running around the house trying to get all Alyssa's school supplies rounded up and packed into her book bag. I kept pushing, pushing, pushing, reminding her that open house was tonight and she had to have everything ready to go. We finally get everything together within minutes of me having to leave for a meeting.

This morning I was clutching my coffee cup and drinking (or should I say inhaling), desperately trying to wake up. Alyssa looks at me and says "Mom, do you know what day it is"? To which I respond, "Tuesday". She then says "Well, if it is Tuesday, why do we have to go to school tonight"? So I am thinking to myself what is she up to now? I stumble over to the calendar and point to open house on Tomorrow's date! She looks up at me all sweet and innocent and says, "Mommy, what would you ever do without me"? I pray that I will never have to find out!

In other news, this school year is shaping up to be a very busy one. The last two school years, we did not have Alyssa enrolled in any extra curricular activities. Jeff and I wanted to have time to bond as a family. This year, however, we decided that IF Alyssa wanted, she could join some activities. So far, she will have Choir practice every Tuesday, she will be taking violin lessons at school, and she is also talking about cheer leading and possibly dance or gymnastics. We came to a compromise. She is already committed to choir and violin. If she is able to maintain her commitments and stay caught up in school, we will let her try something else. I don't want her to take on too much and end up failing! She loves school - I want to keep it that way!

Triggers are Every Where

2008-08-22T15:22:00.002-05:00

We have had a strange couple of days. I have been stewing about them, trying to sort them out, and this is what I came up with.

Wednesday night, we finished up our chores and we were watching The Cheetah Girls on TV. The movie ran past Alyssa's bed time, so I told her she could stay up to watch the end(even though she has seen the movie a million times). Well when the movie was over, I hopped up and said, OK tootz, bedtime. Alyssa got up very slowly(putz mode) and walked into her bedroom. I told her to put a scrunchy in her hair so that she didn't look like Cousin It in the morning and she completely lost it! She started screaming, crying, and she pinched me! Jeff and I got her settled down and into bed and she finally fell asleep.

Then yesterday, she was sooooooo whiney in the morning and moving in putz mode. When we got home from work/day care, she crawled up in my lap and wanted me to feed her a bottle. So, I got out her water bottle and we played baby. Jeff even got into the act and got a big towel out and "diapered" her butt! We went to church, came home, and Alyssa went to bed with no problems. This morning - AGH!!! I told Alyssa that if I heard any more whining, I was going to be forced to beat her! Her response? She laughed! I get no respect! Then she looks at me and asks if Daddy can pick her up tonight? Does she know who the weak link is or what?!

When I get home tonight her chores better be finished and her laundry put away. Otherwise Daddy's in Trouble!!!

I have given a lot of thought to Alyssa's outburst on Wednesday. First of all, they happen so rarely now that when they do happen, they freak us out! Secondly, I can usually figure out what set her off. I haven't been able to do that! I was thinking about it today at work and I kept coming back to what we were doing right before her blow up. We were watching the Cheetah Girls Movie. I kept coming back to that darn movie and then it hit me! One of the characters is a foster child and doesn't have a "real" mom! I think this triggered some big feelings and Alyssa didn't know how to handle them. So we will have a chat tonight and see if I'm right. Daddy will have to deal because I work at the bar tonight so I will have time to go home, change my clothes, and leave again. I'll let you all know what I find out!

Are you Done with This?

2008-08-21T16:01:00.002-05:00

We went out for supper last night. Just because we were lazy and didn't feel like making anything to eat. So we went to a family restaurant and ordered our meals. I had soup as an appetizer and when I was finished the "host" came over and said, "May I take this for you"? Now you are probably thinking what awesome manners. Well, let me tell you that the dish was empty! I looked at Jeff, then I looked at Alyssa, and I'm like, is that guy for real??????

We continued on and enjoyed our meals. Our waiter offered us dessert and we all had ice cream(because Lisa, I am not a freak, and I love ice cream). So, I finish my ice cream and set the bowl down. The same "host" comes over and once again asks if he can take my empty bowl. So I look up at him and say "No, I would like to lick it clean!" So, he sets it back down and walks away!!!

The three of us burst out laughing and this guy had no clue! I really don't know why this struck us as being so funny, but we laughed are fool heads off! Some people just don't get it!

They say that laughter will add 8 years to your life. Maybe that will equal out all the unhealthy things I do????????

Wishful Wednesday

2008-08-20T13:03:00.003-05:00

A while back, Lisa accused me of holding out on her with Joy's blog. But holy Moly, she found the mother load of new blogger friends and I have to read about them in her blog. I have shamelessly copied her blog word for word here...

Kelly is in the process of finding her daughter. Joy has two little radishes. CJ is a really awesome mom to Sean and has a great post about Eye Lights today which I am going to check into. Thorn & Lee are also in the process of finding their children. Brenda is mom to two radishes too. Enough two/to for you? Maia is the sister to many and works tirelessly in a residential treatment facility with lots of little radishes. Please keep her on your prayer list as her family is going through a tough time right now. Newly found, Queen Mommy is the mother of two as well.

I am going to check out all your blogs immediately. If any of you would like to be linked to me, drop me a comment and I will add you to my blog list. I don't like to just automatically add as sometimes, parents of RADishes have acquired a deep need for privacy. I have however linked your blogs to this post. I have no shame! First I steal Lisa's words and now this! What is this world coming to?

I was reminded today that life is a matter of perspective. During our darkest hours, when we are praying for the sun and instead a candle appears, look at that candle and remember that while not the sun, our darkness is gone and we have been given light! Wow, am I deep today. This too was shamelessly stolen from a Mom on one of my online support groups! I really am a piece of work aren't I?

Our baptism is finally rescheduled. The Pastor called this morning and I jokingly reminded him to write it on the church calendar. He very sheepishly assured me that we were on the calendar. So Alyssa will officially be baptized on Sept. 28th. I found her a beautiful dress(actually a first communion dress) and got her gloves and a matching purse, so we are ready to go. I am going to take the plunge and send out the invites. I think I feel safe in doing this. Well, maybe I will wait a week or so....

My darling Miss Alyssa owes me three hassle chores tonight. Well not really hassle chores, more like late fees. Yesterday and today, we left the house late. She had been doing so good that yesterday when she was late, I kinda let her slide on the late fee. I told her that if she turned things back around today, she wouldn't owe me a chore. Well, guess what? Yup, late again. She didn't even have to get dressed this morning, it was Pajama Day! She also decided that she didn't want her cinnamon toast after specifically asking for it this morning. So, I threw it away and let her have something different and told her she needed to do a chore to pay me back for the wasted food. I know, I know, I should not have let her eat something else, but I could not send her off to daycare unfed! OK, let me have it, I deserve it!!!

So, anywho, chore night tonight. Miss Alyssa is going to clean the mirrors, dust, and sweep the floors. That should keep her busy for quite a while! I will continue with my unending pile of laundry! I used to wash 3 loads of clothes a week. That was B.A.(before Alyssa), now I am doing 3 loads of laundry a DAY! How can such a small person generate that much extra laundry?

I decided that I am going to implement my own version of Wishful Wednesday. Each Wednesday, I will list 5 things that I wish for. So here goes...(feel free to make additions or comment).

1) I wish that Alyssa's heart was healed.
2) I wish that my friends (both cyber and face to face) would not have to face the daily struggles that they have.
3) I wish that Tammy and Cody find peace.
4) I wish we had enough money so that I could hire a maid.
5) I wish we had a bigger house.

Feel free to add to the list. My rule - no repeats from week to week.

Hmmm... this could be kinda fun!

Another Day

2008-08-19T13:42:00.002-05:00

Paulette is a wise woman!

We began therapy last night by catching up. We had a lot of very good things to report. Alyssa was contributing, sitting up straight, and making great eye contact.

Then we got to the things that we still needed to work on. Alyssa suddenly got extremely tired, rubbing the eyes, the big fake yawns, the whole bit. She slumped down on her chair, wouldn't make eye contact and suddenly didn't understand anything.

Paulette called her on it! She told Alyssa that just because we had some things to correct and continue working on, it didn't mean that she was a bad kid. She told Alyssa that she was upset that she was wasting her time and asked her to leave the room. She told Alyssa that when she was ready to contribute to the therapy and work on being a family kid again, she could come back!

Alyssa very reluctantly left the room. We didn't even have to wait 5 minutes when there was a knock on the door. Paulette opened the door and in comes a sobbing Alyssa. She was honest, she was sincere, and she was REAL. She was able to voice some of her concerns, and give some of her feelings a name. She also admitted that she was afraid to talk about the bad stuff 'cause she was worried that we would realize that she WAS a bad kid and wouldn't love her anymore.

So therapy was very emotional! But we got through it. Alyssa finally got down to work and made some really good progress. We started The Secret Inside my Head workbook and Alyssa really embraced the concept and is even looking forward to working on it at home tonight. Thanks again Lisa for the book, you are an awesome friend!

Did I tell you guys that Alyssa was finally getting baptized? Well, it took a long time for Jeff & I to find a church that we both felt comfortable in, but we finally joined St. Mark's and couldn't be happier. So anyway, we go ahead and schedule Alyssa's baptism. There was so much going on over the summer that in order to coordinate every one's schedules, we ended up scheduling her baptism for Sept. 7th at 10:30am. So, last Sunday I am reading the bulletin after church and realize that not only is there NO 10:30am service on Sept. 7th, it is also the kick off day for Sunday school. So, yesterday I called the pastor and he finally called me back today. I think we are going to reschedule her baptism! We could do it, but I want it to be a special day for Alyssa and I don't want anything else to interfere with that. I have to talk to Jeff, but I really think we are going to have to re-schedule. Thank God I didn't have the invitations out yet! Well, we definitely have to reschedule. I just got an email from the Pastor saying that the 7th was not going to work! We only scheduled this 2 months ago, but apparently, he forgot to put it on the calendar! Oh well, life goes on. We will pick another day!

Oh and Lisa, I read the story you linked me before. I could handle that alot better than this. Don't worry about us though. Even though Jeff acted like an ASS, I still love him and am in it for the long haul. It irks my ass, but is by no means divorce material! I will make him suffer a while though!

Back to School

2008-08-18T14:03:00.002-05:00

We had an interesting weekend. Friday night we went to Jeff's ballgame, the last one of the season. They lost but ended up finishing in either 2nd or 3rd place. They had to wait for the results of one more game to come in. Jeff went out with his team mates to celebrate the end of their season. Miss Alyssa and I went home. We discovered that the neighbors had a fire going so we sat around outside for quite a while. Alyssa and the neighbor girl went in to watch a movie. Around 11:00, Jeff called to see if we were still awake. He was ready to come home and wanted us to pick him up. I left Alyssa watching her movie and picked him up. We got home and proceeded to sit outside until 1:00am!!! Even Miss Alyssa was up that late!

Saturday, we slept in for a little bit and then got up and I worked on taking Alyssa's braids out. We worked on that until noon and them I started getting ready for a wedding we had to go to. In the mean time, Alyssa and the neighbor girl decided to have a kool-aid stand and ended up making like $10.00!

The wedding was a complete and utter disaster! All that I will say is that this is the first time ever that I can sincerely say that my husband completely and totally embarrassed me! Suffice it to say that our home is not real happy right now!

Sunday was a lazy day! We went for breakfast after church and then came home and hit the couch. None of us moved until late afternoon! Alyssa & Jeff went for a ride and then Alyssa went to her friends to play. Me? I did very little all day!

Tonight we see Paulette. We have a lot of good things to report! Alyssa's behavior has been awesome. I have to admit, I am starting to see the back to school antzies. Alyssa's mouth is getting sassy and she is much more argumentative. It is the whole back to school thing. Which, if I am being totally honest, I just don't get! Alyssa is going to the same school AND she has the same teacher that she has had for the last two years. The only thing different this year is that she will have a locker. She seams really excited to go back, but I can see the nervousness too! Hopefully, we will be able to sort some of that out tonight.

A Home

2008-08-15T08:59:00.003-05:00

Jeff had a busy afternoon with Alyssa yesterday. He picked her up from camp and when they got home he told her to pick up her room. Can you say meltdown? But, good news-no great news has come of this. Jeff sat down with Alyssa as she was attempting to kick, punch, scratch, etc. and asked her why she was trying to hurt Daddy. She started to cry and admitted that she didn't know! They were able to talk, and Jeff got out the feelings chart and she was able to identify "frustrated". The two of them together were able to determine that Alyssa was tired! She took a nap and woke up happy, respectful, and responsible!

I call that progress!

I must admit that I go through times of self doubt when I think that we are doing everything wrong and Alyssa is getting worse instead of better. But then I look back at what our life was like a year ago, and I realize how much progress Alyssa has really made. Is she perfect, no way! Is she healed? No, and I understand now that a child that has lived through that much trauma will never be 100% healed. How can she? Will she understand that she is loved and be able to love us in return? YOU BET! Will she have friends and live a successful life? Absolutely!

We have made a difference in her life. We have given her unconditional love, security, and stability. We are teaching her to be a good person. We are teaching her that it is OK to not be perfect. That it is OK to make mistakes. We are teaching her to learn from her mistakes and make better choices next time.

To all of you that get discouraged and think that all your hard work has been for nothing. I offer this. You have given your child a CHANCE at life! You have given them hope, and the opportunity to be successful. You may not have the relationship that you always thought you would have with your child, but you are making a difference in this child's life!

God has blessed you with this gift! The gift of LOVE! He chooses only the strongest to guide his weakest!

My life has been so blessed by my Alyssa! She drives me insane some days, but that little girl has brought more joy to our lives than I could ever have imagined. She has completed our family and made our house a home!

Dancing Shoes

2008-08-14T11:10:00.002-05:00

OMG! I can't believe how irked I am!

Did you ever just want to slap the shit out of someone?

Well, that's how I feel today.

You can relax, my wrath is not directed at my Dear Little Alyssa! My irkedness is aimed at a co-worker! Now, you may or may not know this, but I usually blog at work. I know, I know, but we are really slow right now and I need something to fill my time! Any who, this guy, I'll call him idiot for short, is one of those people that always has to be the center of attention. So, as a result, he is the guy that is always the expert on EVERYTHING! He has to stick his nose into everything, even if it doesn't belong!

So, to get on with my rant. Idiot's desk looks like a bomb went off on it. It always does, so this is nothing new! Idiot goes to my boss and complains that instead of doing what I should be doing, I am talking on the phone!!! OK, now just for the record, this stems because Idiot said that he has been waiting for a quote from me for almost two weeks and I still haven't given it to him. Well, that quote has been sitting on Idiot's desk since last week Thursday!!! Instead of whining and bitching about me doing my job, why don't you get your fat head out of everyone's business and worry about your own job!!! But NO, that would mean that he would be "out of the loop". So today, instead of providing this quote to his customer that I made him wait two weeks for, he is out in receiving checking in freight and shipping stuff out! Why you ask? That's where I would be if I had customers waiting for me to give them a quote! UUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!

Ok, rant over! I think I feel better!

I have to ask all of you to please say a prayer for my friend Lisa. Her daughter is dealing with some tough issues right now and could use your prayers.

A women on one of my forums posted this quote today and I wanted to share it. I thought it was very wise.

'Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.'

It is raining right now, so I am going to put my dancing shoes on!

Time Flys

2008-08-12T09:30:00.003-05:00

I really can't believe that it is Tuesday already! So, I guess I will try to catch everyone up.

Friday was a busy day for us. I worked all day, went home, changed my clothes, and went directly to my second job. Jeff and Alyssa went to Jeff's ballgame - They Won! Then they went up north. Jeff, God love him, helped Alyssa pack her clothes for the weekend. While she had stuff packed that I would not normally allow her to take for a weekend up north(more appropriate for school!), at least she had the right stuff. I had to laugh though when Jeff had her put her clothes in a paper bag!!! They had a great time Friday night, even though they both missed Mommy! I was told that the kids stayed up until 11:30 and Jeff went to bed right after. They really woop it up when Mom isn't around!

Alyssa got a really pretty necklace from Bruce, Tammy & Cody. It is a princess crown with her birthstone in it. She also got make-up(Thanks Tammy!), slippers, I can't remember everything, and her 9 yr old piece for her "Growing in Grace" collection. Tammy started this collection last year on Alyssa's birthday. She is getting Alyssa her new pieces and I am buying Alyssa her missed pieces. On our "gotcha" day anniversary, I bought Alyssa the one year piece. This year on our 2nd anniversary, I will get her the two year old piece. We figure she will be all caught up by the time she is 14! I brought steaks along with me when I came up so we had steaks for supper. I also brought along a Dairy Queen ice cream cake! YUM!!!

Saturday night Alyssa came into our room crying. She had such a stuffed up nose and couldn't breathe! I had her crawl in bed with Jeff and I. I told her to breathe through her mouth and I just rubbed her back. She was sound asleep within minutes. She fell into a very deep sleep and between Alyssa and Jeff both thrashing around I got kicked out of bed. I ended up sleeping in the recliner!

Sunday, we came home early and had a pretty lazy day. Jeff went to a church picnic, but Alyssa and I were both too lazy! We stayed home and watched movies all day. It was great!

Monday morning it was back to camp for Alyssa's final camp week! She is going to drama camp this week and from her reports yesterday, she is loving it. I spent the evening trying to fix Tammy's shirt.
WARNING! VENT COMING!!!
You know I love you Tammy, but if you ever hack up a shirt again and expect me to fix it, I will beat you bloody! Why would anyone buy a shirt, have the sleeves be too tight, and then BEFORE talking to someone that actually knows what they are doing, rip the sleeves off!!!!!! I am finally done cleaning up her mess, I have the binding all pinned and tonight I will sew it. I don't like the binding I had to use, but the fabric is frayed! I don't have a whole lot of choice! YOU OWE ME - BIG TIME! I think a weekend of babysitting ought to cover it!

Whew, I feel much better! Alyssa is going to wash my car tonight, inside and out! She wants to do some extra chores so that she can earn some extra money. I told her that we would give her $5 a week to keep my car and Jeff's truck clean. The truck only has to be done on the inside. I think it is a fair deal considering that 90% of the mess is always hers anyway!

I have to start taking Alyssa's braids out tonight. She has had them in for 6 weeks already. Next time I will make sure that I use more neutral beads because although she has loved having her hair braided, she has not loved the fact that she has red, white, and blue stars! I can't believe that they have held up for so long. The time spent putting the braids in really is worth it!

After this week, we only have two more full weeks and then it is back to school! The summer went way to fast. I'm certainly not ready, and neither is Alyssa. She made the comment the other day that it seems like school just got out and it is already time to go back!

Before we know it, the snow will be flying!

Happy Birthday Alyssa!

2008-08-08T08:45:00.008-05:00

Today my baby turns 9! Alyssa was out of bed at 5:45am. She came crawling in with Jeff & I and then said "Oh, you don't have to get up yet"! Like we could go back to sleep! So we got up and went downstairs and Alyssa opened her presents. She loved everything!

When I look back to last year, I am completely amazed how far my Alyssa has come. Last year, she kept waiting and looking for more gifts. This year, she stopped after each gift was opened and hugged us and said thank you! She was appreciative and grateful for each and every gift! She really has grown this past year. It amazes me the changes in her!

Yesterday was crazy hair day at the YMCA. This is Alyssa's "Crazy Hair".

Today Alyssa is going to Bay Beach with the Y. This park is awesome! She should have a great birthday! Tonight Jeff & Alyssa will be going up north. I will go up in the morning 'cause I have to work at Petek's tonight. Alyssa is so excited to see Cody!

We have had a great week at our house. Our "normal" has transitioned from complete chaos to a steady routine and a beautiful daughter that is responsible, respectful, and fun to be around. The "crazy" days are so few and far between now that it almost shocks us when Alyssa has a bad day. That my friends is the definition of "healing"!!!

This photo was taken last year on her birthday. Can you see the difference in her face? I notice the change in her eyes the most!

I just realized that in every single one of these pictures she is wearing "High School Musical"! Can you tell she's a fan?

Happy Birthday my beautiful child! May the next year bring you love, joy, and peace!

I Love You!!!

Happy Birthday Cody!

2008-08-07T08:38:00.004-05:00

Happy Birthday Bugs! This strapping young lad is 13 today! Look out Tammy, you have a teenager on your hands!

Cody has turned from a major pestifanolious into a caring, helpful, compassionate young man. He has been through so much(losing his sister when he was 9) and yet he has opened his arms and embraced Alyssa with complete love and acceptance.

If a person could choose a son, I would choose Cody. Sure he is a pain in the ass sometimes. But he is also a lot of fun to be around and a really good kid! I can't wait to see the man this kid turns into. He is going to make some girl very happy!

Have the bestest birthday ever!

Love you bunches and bunches!

Puppy in Progress?

2008-08-05T14:37:00.003-05:00

Alyssa is on a mission! She wants a puppy so bad! Jeff and I aren't quite sure she is ready so we gave her a list of goals that she has to meet. Good plan right? Well, Alyssa is working on her last two goals. They are 1) go 1 month without hurting anyone and 2) keep your room clean for 1 month.

We thought that #1 was a no brainer. But since her meltdown last week, she has to start all over. Jeff & I never thought, in a million years that she would be able to keep her room clean. Matter of fact, we figured she would only make it 2 days!

I am proud to report that Miss Alyssa is now on her 2nd WEEK! I know! Pretty amazing eh?

Alyssa and I are going shopping tonight for Cody's birthday present. She says she knows exactly what he wants! She will be purchasing her own gift for Cody, so I am hoping she chooses wisely.

We are still trying to figure out what we are going to do on Friday. It is Alyssa's birthday. I work both jobs so I basically get to come home from one job, change my clothes, and go to the second job. Jeff has a ball game at 7:20 that he doesn't want to miss, and Alyssa wants to go up north because Auntie and Cody will be there! I think Jeff and Alyssa will probably go up after Jeff's ball game and I will go up in the morning. At least that's the plan for now, that may change 100 times before Friday.

Happy Birthday Cindy!

2008-08-04T15:03:00.008-05:00

Well it seems that Alyssa's meltdown has cleared the air and released all pent up emotion! Friday after work we all went out for a fish fry, and then went and watched Jeff's ball game. It is very exciting now because they are only 1 game out of 1st place and there is only 2 games left! Not bad for a bunch of old sppooocks, eh? Our Alyssa has been so respectful and so responsible we keep wondering if this is really our daughter???

Saturday was Cindy's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY CINDY!!! I would post a picture, but Cindy hates having her picture taken so getting a picture of her is a very rare occurrence. This one was taken at our adoption party.Don't get the wrong idea, Cindy is a joker. She was using props to help tell her joke, and she really got the laughs! Especially from Alyssa's teacher!

And this picture was taken last year on Alyssa's birthday. Cindy and Leigh were tickling Alyssa and this picture is the result. Check out the look on Alyssa's face!

Saturday was a pretty quiet day for us. We stayed home and I cleaned the house and got caught up on my laundry. Jeff took us out for dinner and we came home and watched the movie "College Road Trip". OMG was this movie hilarious. We laughed so hard that Alyssa almost peed her pants!!!

Sunday was uneventful too. Of course, Miss Alyssa got a little lippy as we were walking into church. She does this EVERY TIME! I don't get it! She gets whiny, sassy, and downright disrespectful right before we walk into church, literally! She remains that way until the service starts and then usually settles down and follows the service. I have no explanation for her behavior and I can't figure it out.

Sunday afternoon we went to a street dance that raises money for special needs services. The money raised gets donated to various schools and organizations in our community that cater to children with special needs. We had great fun and Alyssa learned to Polka and play the stump fiddle. Daddy was soooo proud! We ran into some friends that we haven't seen in a while and it was really nice to get caught up. We've also ran into former friends that decided they don't want to be our friends anymore. I get angry, Jeff gets hurt. I am angry that these people couldn't give Alyssa a chance! I'm angry that they have the NERVE to judge us! I'm angry that we meant so little to them that they couldn't stick it out! Yes, they saw Alyssa at her worst. But they have also seen the progress she has made. THEIR LOSS!!! I am so over it!

Today is Monday. Thursday is Cody's birthday and Friday is Alyssa's! I have much to do this week! Lots of presents to buy and wrap. We are celebrating the kids birthdays up north so not only do I have to get everything bought and wrapped, I also have to haul it all! It will all be worth it though!

I am going to attempt to get caught up on my paperwork at home. I hate to file so I have a tendency to throw everything that needs to get filed into a big pile. I don't think that I have touched that pile in two years. Yes, you read that right, I said years! Wish me luck!

Cold Showers

2008-07-31T14:56:00.004-05:00

I knew it was coming and kept hoping it wouldn't.

Yup, you guessed it - Alyssa had a complete melt down last night!

It all started when I reminded Alyssa that she still owed me a chore and asked her to sweep the patio. She started off with the whining "It's too hard", then she proceeded to the crying. I went outside and told her to go to her room until she had herself under control because I was pretty sure the neighbors didn't want to hear her cry. Well that was all it took and all bloody hell broke loose. She started screaming at the top of her lungs! The neighbor actually peeked his head over the fence, thinking that Alyssa was hurt, to see her standing, untouched, screaming! He just shook his head in amazement and went in the house! We then proceeded to carry Alyssa in the house. By this time she was kicking, hitting, scratching, and lets not forget the screaming! Once in her room, she kept escalating so Jeff got her a cold, wet wash cloth and put it on her forehead. Well, she just screamed even louder! By this time, I was out of patience and just wanted her to calm down. So I threw her in an ice cold shower! I really can't believe I did that, but I have to say, it worked. Sure, she screamed bloody murder when I first threw her in, but the minute the water went off, she shut up! And, I was able to get her in her pajamas, tucked into bed and talked to with no further problems.

She was appropriately quiet this morning. Reflecting on the night before, she told me that she was going to finish the patio as soon as she got home tonight! She actually brought up her behavior before I did!

I have actually taken her hissy fit and used it for good! One year ago, these melt downs were a weekly occurrence. They were much more violent and they lasted much longer. The fall out lasted until the next fit occurred. I can compare that behavior to Alyssa's actions last night and I can SEE progress! Yes, she made a poor choice and erupted instead of talking about her feelings. But, she did it in the safety of her own home. She trusted Jeff and I to keep her safe, and she was sincerely sorry for her actions. She also was mad as a wet hen that I threw her in the shower. She understands why I did it, she still doesn't think its right! Well, right or wrong, it worked! I hope that Alyssa can move forward now. She got all the post vacation behaviors out of her system, and should be able to make forward progress again.

On a side note: We really do have awesome neighbors. The look on his face when he saw Alyssa standing in the middle of the patio screaming at nothing...PRICELESS!

This picture was taken last Saturday(my birthday) up north.